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Yuk-Lui's Giveaway :D

2011-12-16T12:22:00.002+07:00

Join here :DGoodluck. end. 20 december.

D.G.S.Beauty's Birthday Giveaway!

2011-12-12T01:51:00.000+07:00

click HERE to join :D

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Too Faced Shadow Insurance Giveaway

2011-12-12T01:33:00.001+07:00

Join Too Faced Shadow Insurance giveaway.

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Christmas Holiday Giveaway

2011-12-11T18:14:00.000+07:00

Comeone Everyone <3 Join this give away, click

so many product, with superb packaging <3 HELLO KITTY ! *addicted <3 _ <3

MakeupByJoyce's Huge Holiday Giveaway

2011-12-11T17:47:00.003+07:00

SUPERB GIVEAWAY ! JOIN NOW OR NEVER !!

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Eye Love You Giveaway :D

2011-12-11T17:34:00.002+07:00

lets JOIN this GIVEAWAY :D

cute hello kitty, u'll be mine ;)

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2011-12-11T16:55:00.000+07:00

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Maii's First giveaway

2011-12-10T17:56:00.002+07:00

Join her Giveaway ^^

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CRAVER HEAVEN 2nd GIVEAWAY

2011-12-10T17:38:00.001+07:00

win this 100x100 satin scraft.

check creaverheaven's blog here to join :)

LUVIEW COSMETICS MEGA GIVEAWAY

2011-12-10T16:17:00.003+07:00

go check sparkleapple blog. :D

THIS MEGAGIVEAWAY from LUVIEW ! woow <3

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Join Sheillablog.com Giveaway :)

2011-12-10T15:36:00.004+07:00

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Ms Vy's Holiday Giveaway , JOIN ! :)

2011-12-10T14:50:00.002+07:00

Hello guys lets join ms. vy's HOLIDAY giveaway :)

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Aki's Christmas Giveaway!

2011-12-10T14:34:00.003+07:00

Hello Guys ! lets Join Aki's Christmas giveaway :D

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Hello !

2011-10-19T18:36:00.000+07:00

hello Im back :)

2010-11-04T16:52:00.000+07:00

2010-11-04T16:51:00.000+07:00

Ujian Tengah Semester

2010-11-04T16:47:00.001+07:00

nih jadwal ujian gue buat ujian tengah semester 3. pheww. gila berentet semua jadwalnya. hafalan semua dan gue gak ada persiapan apa2 buat ujian :((

2010-11-03T18:08:00.001+07:00

2010-11-03T18:02:00.002+07:00

Words dont have power to hurt you. Unless, the person who said them means a lot to you .

Let's NOT

2010-11-03T17:56:00.001+07:00

[Kyuhyun] I soon gani majima kirago geutolok saranghan geu dehga eh
Nun dollilyuh hehdo oolmyuh meldallyuhdo geunyang shiltamyuh heh uhjimeul malhan naya

[Ryeowook] Nan hangsang ganghan chukman hajiman pyungseng nuh hana jikil jashin ubssuh dduhnan
bigubhan namjaya

[Yesung] Dashin na gateun saram saranghaji malgo
Dashin geuriwuhhal saram mandeulji malgo
[Kyuhyun] Nuhman barabogo nuh anim an dwesuh
Harudo mot buttil mankeum saranghae jooneun saram manna jaebal

Nun apa nal jabeuryuh hajiman
Pyungseng neh gyutten haengbokhaejil jashin ubtneun
Bigubhan yuhjaya

[Yesung] Dashin na gateun saram saranghaji malgo
Dashin geuriwuhhal saram mandeulji malgo
[Ryeowook] Nuhman barabogo nuh anim an dwesuh
Harudo mot buttil mankeum saranghae jooneun saram manna

[Yesung] unjen ga oori heh uhjimeul hoohweh handaedo ibyul bakkehneun nan haejoolgeh ubssuh

[Kyuhyun] Jinan shiganeul sehmyuh apa oolji malgo
[Ryeowook] Jinan babo gateun sarang geuriwuh malgo
[Yesung] Nuhman barabogo nuh anim an dwesuh
Harudo mot buttil mankeum
Saranghae jooneun saram manna jaebal haengbok hagileul
[Ryeowook] Doobun dashineun majoochiji malja

Download | Listen

2010-11-03T17:52:00.000+07:00

2010-11-03T17:50:00.001+07:00

2010-11-03T17:49:00.000+07:00

2010-11-03T17:48:00.000+07:00

I miss HIGH SCHOOL !

2010-11-03T16:58:00.005+07:00

dan yang paling penting ! GUE KANGEN KURUS !! T___T dulu SMA gue 'sempet' KURUS !!

2010-11-03T16:56:00.000+07:00

2010-11-03T16:31:00.000+07:00

One day you’ll meet someone who will change your whole life and give worth it’s to you,someday someone will make you smile,someday someone will grow old with you,and if ever you don’t know that someone yet,he is still no one,he’s waiting,you’re waiting,you’re both no one.

2010-09-20T22:01:00.000+07:00

I’m a girl. I have feelings. I overreact. I underestimate. I overestimate. I over think everything. I look too deep into everything’s meaning. I dream big. I have high expectations. Yes I get jealous, and I’m always scared I’ll lose you. That’s why when I ask how you are I mean it. When I ask how was your day, I genuinely want to know. And when I say I love you, I’m not lying.

thanks my REAL best friends

2010-05-24T11:26:00.002+07:00

Kevin said :

yet you still need to learn how to love and forgive. It is okay ! Things happened, but it doesn't mean your life should end here, right? Get up, stand tall, swallow it and let God heal. Care sister. Be strong.
Michelle said :
forgive and move on, this is a lesson worth to learn. next time to will be able to choose more wisely. Call me if you need someone to talk to, we are here for you Vi. love and hugs, michelle :)
Stella said :
Vi, keep move on. whatever happen. do not let things make u away from your dream. embrace your dream. =) you can do it sis!

THANKS ALL !
ni 3 kata paling gue inget sejak uknowwhat :) bener2 penyemangat gue waktu gue lagi down. ni kata gue tulis di karton dan gue tempel di dinding. BUTUH WAKTU buat move on. buat realize kalo hidup gue gak segede daun kelor :P *daun kelor segede apa yah*
mungkin terkadang gue masih agak jutek sama orang lain. 4 orang yang deketin gue, gue tolak abis2an. gue jauhin, gue kata2in dan akhirnya dia yang benci sama gue. --" my God. sejahat itukah gue ? sorry yah D.V.H.N ! gak maksudd . :(
for sure, sekarang gue gak ada ganjelan lagi. gue udah coba buat lapang dada :) lama juga waktunya. gue gak pernah anggep seseorang musuh gue lagi. gue bakal coba senormal mungkin sama semua orang. CAPE DIBILANG LESBI sama cel ! awkakkawkaw~
yeah. semua terjadi karna suatu alasan !

for my next boyfriend

2010-05-14T20:29:00.001+07:00

aku ga tau siapa kamu nanti. aku ga tau kapan kamu akan jadi "my beloved boy". tapi aku berharap kamu akan datang. kapanpun itu. aku tidak memerdulikan waktunya.
aku pun tidak buru-buru untuk menemukan siapa kamu. karena aku tahu, pasti akan ada waktu yang tepat, saat aku menemukan kamu yang hadir itu.

aku berdoa, semoga kita saling menyayangi dan menerima apa adanya. menyayangiku karena diriku. bukan karena parasku, bukan karena materiku, tapi karena apa adanya aku. ya aku !

kuharap, kamu tidak membandingkanku dengan perempuan yang lainnya. karena senyum mereka yang lebih menawan atau karena rupanya yang lebih manis.
kuharap, kamu akan membuatku tertawa, merawatku kalau aku sakit, dan bisa dipercaya.

ketahuilah, kalau kita pergi bersama, kamu tidak perlu memeras otak akan membawaku kemana ; yang penting aku bersamamu. aku pun terlalu malu untuk mengecupmu terlebih dulu. tapi kuharap kamu jangan takut. aku pun akan tersenyum senang dalam hati saat kamu dengan sepenuh hati dan tidak sengaja memainkan kepalaku atau rambut atau tanganku atau apapun itu yang ada di dekatku :)

jika aku mengalami hari yang tidak menyenangkan, kuharap kamu akan menghujaniku dengan keyakinan dan senyum. aku bisa menjaga diriku sendiri, tapi aku harap kamu yang bisa lebih menjaga diriku dan membuktikan kalau aku belum bisa menjaga diriku sendiri.

kalau aku menangis, ketahuilah penyebabnya bukan kamu, yang penting kamu memelukku erat-erat, dan aku akan baik lagi. Dan walaupun penyebabnya kamu, aku pun tetap akan baik lagi setelah kamu memelukku.

dan jika kita memutuskan untuk berpisah, pahamilah bahwa aku mungkin akan sangat terluka. ya.aku mudah terluka. tapi aku pun akan ingat kamu juga punya perasaan. semoga kita masih bisa berteman, jika kamu siap.

tetapi ingatlah, aku pun tak pernah menginginkan hal yang namanya perpisahan ! aku ingin terus bisa bersama kamu selamanya.
dalam keadaan baik ataupun buruk, susah maupun senang, kaya atau miskin, sakit maupun sehat atau sampai maut memisahkan.

beritahu aku jika ada perbuatan yang bisa mengganggumu, atau jika ada sesuatu yg tidak pas.
aku ingin kamu bersikap jujur terhadapku. keluarkan saja apa yang ada dalam pikiranmu.
aku akan mencoba mengerti dan berubah.

kuharap, kamu tidak berpikir, aku meminta terlalu banyak padamu.
kuharap, kamu tahu aku ini sekarang sangat gugup dan takut.
aku benar-benar ingin mengetahui kamu yang akan hadir di dekatku, bertanya-tanya sendiri, apakah kita akan saling menyayangi.

setiap hubungan asmara adalah sebuah permainan kartu yang baru dan ( ah..), aku tidak pandai bermain kartu.
tapi aku yakin. aku bisa dan berusaha sebaik mungkin untuk bersikap baik dan menyayangimu.
karena dirimu seutuhnya, tanpa berharap terlalu banyak darimu.
terimakasih telah mendengarkan.
hanya ini yang ada dan muncul dari dalam hatiku.

2010-05-14T09:52:00.001+07:00

I DON'T NEED SOMEONE WHOSE SO MATURE TO STOP MY IMMATURITY. WHAT I NEED IS SOMEONE WHO CAN RIDE ON MY IMMATURITY AND MATURELY UNDERSTANDS ME.

2010-05-10T19:23:00.001+07:00

The One I Love

I forget when it started
I don't know why I'm like this
A day seems so long and doesn't seem to have an end
How does another morning come? I don't know

I can't do anything while not doing anything
I look at the slow time
Where are you? What are you doing?
Because I only think of one person

I shouldn't be doing this, I know
I know that I can't love you
My confession will make you go through more pain
I know, I know

Even though I knew (I knew)
I can't do anything (can't)
I can only think of you
If I close my two eyes or open them again
I can only think of on eperson

The memory I can't erase for one second (even today)
I just think of you

I can't do anything while not doing anything
I look at the slow time
Where are you? What are you doing?
Because I only think of one person
Because I think of that one person

2010-04-28T18:48:00.002+07:00

I must love you
for a long time now I wanted to tell you something
I wanted to say this
even today I’m wandering around your neighborhood
only if, even just a little, you could acknowledge this heart of mine

Someday I show you want my mind
that I was always there
where you used to be all the time
just let me cry for you tonight
for you who does not even know
that I am beside you but can’t say a thing

The times you looked at me
and smiled when that image comes up in my mind
I was so happy
that small smile was not for me
but it was like he knew my heart

Someday I show you want my mind
that I was always there
where you used to be all the time
just let me cry for you tonight
for you who does not even know
that I am beside you but can’t say a thing

(Please, if he acknowledges my small smile that would make me so happy)
always where you used to be
(just let me cry for you tonight can’t say a word)
cry for you tonight
for you who does not even know that I am right beside you

for you who does not understand my heart

sad love song

2010-04-24T23:41:00.003+07:00

There’s a lot of things I feel sorry for, but there’s a lot of things I couldn’t say
For you who has turned away right now, I can only give tears
Truthfully, i am so upset, I don’t even know the reason
To why I have to separate with you
I’m so upset

For real, for real, i am crying right now
Though you see me smiling

I love you, I love you, It was all a mistake
Even though you get mad, it’s okay,
Even though you scold me, it’s okay
So please don’t
Leave me, don’t go, you don’t have to love me
I will just love you myself

Just today, just today, can’t you bear only for today?
I think I can’t send you away like this

I love you, I love you, It was all a mistake
Even though you get mad, it’s okay,
even though you scold me, it’s okay
So please don’t
Leave me, don’t go, you don’t have to love me
I will just love you myself

Turn it back to the beginning
Turn it back to the time that you loved me

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t know
That your heart left me, that you don’t like me anymore
I lived without noticing
Whatever I do, what should I do, if your heart left me
Even though it stays besides me, it’s not love without you
I’m not even worth to be with you

sad promise

2010-04-24T23:41:00.002+07:00

If anyone comes to talk to me
I will ignore them.
If they keep on coming, trying to seduce me
I will stay cold.
Even if they confess their hearts
I will show no emotion.
So that I will no longer be taken so easily,
I will fully protect myself.
But even though I promise this to myself again and again,
I know it will be useless.
If you call me I’m sure, I’m quite sure,
I’ll want to be held by you again.

I don’t wanna do it, again,
don’t wanna do it, again,
I will never love like this again.
As I try to erase and erase you again
I’ll stop if I can’t forget about you.
I don’t wanna do it, again,
don’t wanna do it, again
I will never have just this love again.
I’ll fight it, fight it, and when I don’t win
I know I will go look for you again.

If I love again,
I will only receive love.
So that I will not be hurt if cast aside,
I will never give my heart.
But even though I promise this to myself again and again,
I know it will be useless.
If you come I’m sure, I’m quite sure,
I will love again.

I don’t wanna do it, again,
don’t wanna do it, again,
I will never love like this again.
As I try to erase and erase you again
I’ll stop if I can’t forget about you.
I don’t wanna do it, again,
don’t wanna do it again
I will never have just this love again.
I’ll fight it, fight it, and when I don’t win
I know I will go look for you again.

I hated us so much,
I spent all my nights erasing you,
this depressing love
this tiring love
but I wait for you again.

I don’t wanna do it, again,
don’t wanna do it, again,
I will never love like this again.
Again and again don’t bite your lips,
why are you searching for me again?
I don’t wanna do it, again,
don’t wanna do it, again,
I will never have just this love again.
Don’t ever, don’t ever do this again
but why is that when I cant’ even
imagine myself, imagine myself
without you.

accident

2010-04-24T23:39:00.000+07:00

I told you, that I love you
I confessed my love to you
Behind you, I said it aloud that I love you
I tried to hide it in my heart forever, but loving alone is too painful
Dreaming, wanting, watching all alone, it's too hard

What should I do ? My heart finally makes an accident
I shouldn't love, not me
Even though I try so hard to prevent it, I know it'll hurt, but I still make that accident
Without me knowing, My heart created love towards you

I didn't want to love ever again, the scars that will come later hurts so much
Wanting someone, and waiting, that's so hard

What should I do ? My heart finally makes an accident.
I shouldn't love, not me
Even though I try so hard to prevent it, I know it'll hurt, but I still make that accident
Without me knowing, my heart created love towards you

I keep getting scared, that it'll be too painful
That my heart may be shattered, so that I can't use it again

What do I do ? My tears cause problems again
I don't wanna cry, I don't wanna
Even though I try to endure, it's begging me to bring you back, it wants to see you
Not knowing that you don't even look at me...

Hate You Even Though Love You

2010-04-24T23:35:00.001+07:00

I gave you the gift of my love
But you try to give me farewell ?
Were you such a person?
How could you be so heartless ?

Was our love all a lie ?
I did not know you would be like this to me
How could you not know

Why don't you understand woman like this ?
Though I really think I understand men, I don't
There's no way in the world I can understand

Because you are my man
Because you are my love
I apologize for everything
I will forgive you for everything
Let's not break up
Please stop drinking late and smoking
And I won't even annoy you with my nagging
Because Even Though I Hate You, I Love You

You know that my temper is a bit quick to rise
And that I am a girl with a small heart
I will try to fix it

I know you like my face bare,
Rather than with makeup
Because I thought my make up was too thick
Looking in the mirror
I erased it all with my tears

Because you are my man
Because you are my love
I apologize for everything
I will forgive you for everything
Let's not break up
"Let's go watch movies on the weekends"
"Call me when it gets late"
I won't nag you anymore
Because I love you, even though I hate you

Honestly, how well off do you
Think that you are ?
You really, completely don't understand my feelings
And give me pain

It's okay if you are late
It's okay if you are a little late
So just promise that you will come back to me
Because I love you, even though I hate you
Because I love you, even though I hate you
Because I love you, even though it hurts
Because you are my man
You have to hold me
Don't you know that
It is a woman's heart
To deny even when he knows it all ?
Because I love you, even though it hurts
Because I love you, even though I hate you

xoxoxoxo

2010-04-22T17:17:00.001+07:00

it's not an argument.

nor a fight.

but this tears just won't stop..

please, just once again, hug me tightly..

you can't go like that..

i know it's really selfish asking you to stay,

and now i feel bad for calling you a selfish..

but you really are one,

you plans are important,

more important than me.

i don't want your future to be ruined or delayed just because of me..

i'm not your future,

i guess i shouldn't worry so much about this thing..

i'm not planning to be a part of your future either,

i'm the selfish one,

not you, i'm sorry..

i realized that i'm wrong here,

i shouldn't ask you to stay anymore..

i'm sorry, i should appreciate you more..

:"))

2010-04-22T17:08:00.000+07:00

I miss you
This whole thing is gay, I miss you, but I can’t see you.
I just can’t see you, I have to respect that decision that was made.
This week feels forever, I don’t even know when these all would end.

Somehow I believe, after this week passes, everything would turn better,
&this is going to happen.
I pray everynight so that this week would pass in a blink of eye, I pray everynight so that the moment I open my eyes, it’s you that is standing in front of me with a big teddy bear that says “sorry” on his tummy, I pray everynight so that this all would simply end tonight.

I miss you, love.

in love again

2010-04-22T12:10:00.001+07:00

When you smile
my life becomes a ray of light
sing me a lullaby to sleep at midnight
I'll be hypnotized
when looked into your eyes
turn off the room light
let's spend the night

Take me to far away
Away to your secret place
Take my tears my fears
Take all my pain for which
I'll repay Someday with a kiss and say
Can't believe that I'm in love
in love again

When the stars don't shine
And when the birds don't fly
And when the flowers cry
And when the rain runs dry
When the violet's red
and when the rose turn blue
Baby I'll still be in love with you

What Hurts The Most

2010-04-22T12:09:00.001+07:00

Boy, it’s been a long time
Since the last time I saw you
Feels like nothin’ changed
Since we’ve been together
I must admit that I go crazy for you

And I can see it in your eyes
That there’s somethin’ you want to say to me
‘Cause usually right now
You’ll be holdin’ on to me
But instead you tell me

Things have changed, they’re not the same
And recently you found someone that you
Decided to dedicate your whole life to
And what we had is ‘bout to be through

And baby, what hurts the most is letting go
I just want you to know that I love you so
I know things are different now, you’ve gone and
settled down
And I thought for sure you’d always wait me

I’ll tell you what hurts the most is I should have
took the chance
Boy, when you came to me and offered me your hand
Silly of me I thought I’ll always have your heart
I had the chance to love, oh, how I miss you

I hate that there is someone new
Comin’ in and takin’ my place
Doin’ the things that we used to do
And makin’ love to you

And oh, what am I supposed to do
It’s killin’ me ‘cause I want you
And you should have known my love was true
And there’s no one else in this world but you

But things have changed, they’re not the same
And recently you found someone that you
Decided to dedicate your whole life to
And what we had is ‘bout to be through

And baby, what hurts the most is letting go
I just want you to know that I love you so
But things are different now, you’ve gone and settled
down
And I thought for sure you’d always wait me

I’ll tell you what hurts the most is I should have
took a chance
Boy, when you came to me and offered me your hand
Silly of me I thought I’ll always have your heart
I had the chance to love, oh, how I miss you now

I know that I’m the one to blame for losing you, oh, yeah
I really, really wish that I could be happy for you
There’s just one thing I need you to do
Don’t you touch her like you used to touch me
Don’t you love her like you really need me
Don’t you love her like you used to love me

And baby, what hurts the most is letting go
I just want you to know that I love you so
But things are different now, you’ve gone and settled
down
And I thought for sure you’d always wait me

I’ll tell you what hurts the most is I should have
took a chance
Boy, when you came to me and offered me your hand
Silly of me I thought I’ll always have your heart
I had the chance to love, oh, how I miss you

What hurts the most is letting go
Just to let you know I love you so
What hurts the most is letting go
Just to let you know I love you so

Teach Me To Let Go

2010-04-21T16:26:00.001+07:00

Teach me to stop caring
When I think of what we were
Teach me to stop crying
When I see you there with her

Show me how to live again
When you're not here with me
Show me how to fight the fact
That we're not meant to be

Tell me that I'll be alright
And my life will be okay
Without you right here by my side
To hold my hand each day

Let these teardrops wash away
Don't let this heartbreak last...
Let me let go like you did
For you've forgotten me so fast

Once Upon A Fairy Tale

2010-04-21T16:22:00.002+07:00

Once upon a fairy tale
Was a girl we all know well
A princess only dreaming of
The hope of finding her true love

She searched the land but couldn't find
The true love that she had in mind
She tried to find him everyday
Till her hopes all washed away

She sat upon her empty throne
Thinking that she'd be alone
Everything in life felt wrong
Until one day he came along

Prince Charming was this prince's name
And her lover he became
She finally found her one true love
The one that she'd been dreaming of

Finally everything felt alright
She had a prince to hold each night
Someone to sit by on her throne
No longer was this girl alone

But then on one awful day
He found Snow White and went away
On a horse they waved goodbye
This princess was left to cry

She knew she'd have to live without
The prince she cared so much about
Goodbye to love and all the laughter
Goodbye to happy ever after

poems

2010-04-21T16:22:00.001+07:00

Looking back on everything,
I still remember his smile.
I wish things didn't end so soon,
And turn back time for awhile.

No matter how much it hurts,
I still love him so.
A part of me needs him so much,
Can't seem to let him go.

Knowing I won't be able to see him,
Makes my heart cry out in pain.
I can't believe we won't talk anymore,
The thought makes me wanna go insane.

He was my reason for waking up,
For the smile you see on my face.
Going a single day without him,
Makes me feel so out of place.

I was afraid of opening up,
Now I'm afraid of the next day.
Whenever I see him one last time,
I'm terrified of what he may say.

I know tomorrow will hurt,
But the tears will fade away.
Life is too short for regrets,
There will be a brighter day.

But when I see him one last time,
I won't know what to do...

huffh

2010-04-21T16:16:00.003+07:00

Sometimes you love something so much that it hurts to leave it, but you must.

Sometimes it hurts too much to hold on to that thing you love.

And sometimes you let go of what you love because it hurts, but then just sometimes you get it back and live happily ever after.

I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had. But, I can’t because I know you won't come after me, and I guess that's what hurts the most.

It hurts to see you walk away. For admit it or not, you were an important part of my life and the time we shared will forever be a part of me. So even though I realize that it was never meant to be, still, it hurts.

:(

2010-04-21T15:48:00.003+07:00

hidup gue bisa gue bilang jauh dari yang gue harapkan !

gak sempurna jg kayak putri yang mau ini itu diturutin dan akhirnya hidup bahagia sama prince charming :)

tapi gimana juga ni hidup gue. gue bahagia jalanin ini.

jalanin sendiri, gak ada yang nemenin dan gue harus bersyukur, gue masih dikasih hidup.

tadi siang anak gue, molly ditabrak ! ditabrak sama orang naik motor, kelempar, berlumuran darah dan langsung meninggal :(

gue kangen sama molly, huwaa. my first doggy. jangan tinggalin aku sama ocean dunk :(

hmm. beberapa hari ini juga. syndrom melankolis gue kambuh. bawaan na pengen nangis terus seharian. tapi gak nangis ampe seharian full jgua kog akhirnya. menetas kan air mata dan gue coba menyakiti diri gue dengan coba senyum. sakit banget. :(

nangis gak nyelesain masalah kok. gak buat semua yang gue harepin bisa kembali lagi. huffh.

dan satu lagii. masalah yang paling berat buat gue. penyakit gue. sinus gue. ni penyakit paling bener2 ganggu gue. tiap malem hachi hachi, meler, suara bindeng. pipi gue sakit kalo kepegang, kelenyengan. huffh. mesti operasi juga kata dokter.

terus kista. OMG ! gue gak tau napa. gue rasa ni bukan kista. ni bener2 sakit. sakit banget. gue eneg terus tiap hari. pengen muntah terus bawaan na :'(

huffh. God, please, heal me.

hmm. please God, bawa pergi sehari sakit ini :( sehari aja. aku capek pura2 sehat, pura2 gak ada apa2, nahan sakit. :(

2 minggu sekali ke dokter cuma buat suntik dan selalu menolak operasi. huffh. yang mau terjadi, terjadi aja.

sekalipun hal itu terburuk. segala sesuatu terjadi karena ada maksudna.

2010-04-18T11:54:00.001+07:00

Hai lelaki, jika seorang wanita menangis karenamu, tolong jangan menyia-nyiakannya.Mungkin, karena keputusanmu, kau merusak kehidupannya.. Saat dia menangis didepanmu,, saat dia menangis karenamu.. Lihatlah jauh kedalam matanya.Dapatkah kau lihat dan kau rasakan sakit yang dirasakannya karenamu??.. .PIKIRKAN! !??

.gue gak tau sapa yang nulis ini di status fb na. tapi jujur. ada bener na juga. seorang wanita gak mungkin nangis gara2 seorang pria gara2 hal sepeleh. pasti ia ngerasain sakit yang bener2 sakit. :(

I'm really hurt

2010-04-14T21:35:00.001+07:00

How again and again tears flow
Because of you I'm very hurt
So why do I still think of you again?
Once again, I smell you
Once again, I look at your photos
I thought of you today again

Very hurt
I'm hurt
I really didn't expect it to hurt so much
Really hurt
My heart hurts
I really, really didn't know I would hurt this much from missing you

Can't get something that I want anymore
I'm really hurt
Why am I looking for you again?
Since the night you've gone, I miss you very much
I still think of you too

Very hurt
I'm hurt
I really didn't expect it to hurt so much
Really hurt
My heart hurts
I really, really didn't know I would hurt this much from missing you

Don't leave me
Don't hurt me, please stop this

PAIN !

for you, boy.

2010-04-14T00:55:00.004+07:00

this is for you, boy. :(

sorry. bukanna mau nolak lo ato gimana. tapi I CANT ! gue gak mau orang anggep gue cuma cari pelarian dari mantan dengan jadian ato deket sama lo. so soryy :)

masi banyak yang LEBIH dari gue. dan gue yakin. lo bisa kok dapetin orang kayak gitu. believe me ~

makasi udah selalu dengerin gue nangis, boy.

makasi udah dengerin gue cerita yang sama setiap waktu, boy.

makasi udah jadi tempat sampah gue selama 2 bulan ini , boy.

sorry, kalo gue menjauh. sebelum lo tambah berharap sama sesuatu yang gak pasti, yang gak bisa gue kasi ke lo. :D

gue cuma berharap lo baca ini. jadi lo tau alasan gue kenapa.

Stop being good to me
Don't be good to me anymore

It might be better to be cold to me
Or ignoring me might be better for me
Brushing off the dust on my collar
Carelessly laughing and leaning on my shoulder

I let it go, telling myself that its just a habit and busy my day
But I think about it again and again as if I took a picture

Stop being good to me
Don't be good to me anymore
I don't have the confidence to kneel my knees and be hurt by love
If you have other thoughts than me, if you have different thoughts than me.
If somebody asks you who I am, nonchantly introduce me as just someone you know

The phone call a couple of days ago at night, that call...
it's not that I didn't wat to answer, but I couldnt
Just in case I tell you I miss you when I'm drunk
because in the morning, I'll regret it

Stop being good to me
Don't be good to me anymore
I don't have the confidence to kneel my knees and be hurt by love
Although I had the whole world because of love
Although i miss it, I'm unable to find the way

Just in case you have the same thoughts as me,
if you happen to have the same thoughts of me
I wait again and again.
I am a fool infront of love again.
I cling to you again, like a fool.

Stop being good to me
Don't be good to me anymore

goodbye my love

2010-04-14T00:49:00.001+07:00

hello, how are are you?
is your face still cute like before.
pouring out my late regards and my late farewells, i write.

i wonder if you’ll simply ask me why it’s a letter
when messages on mini homepages are more common
firmly, i pick up my pen.. just in case i can’t convey my heart
i feel like i can’t do this any other way
it was really hard. when i loved you,
nothing happened the way i wanted it to
i keep promising myself to stop bothering you
even though i wait until death, you won’t come

goodbye, my love. i’ll let you go now.
the remembrances and the memories, i’ll forget them all
i’ll erase and erase and empty out every drop of love
from my heart

one time, just one more time, if i am to see you again, how nice would that be. :)
this lingering attachment, these tears, i’ll erase everything

the saying that as the bodies grow farther apart,the heart grows further apart as well
is of no use to me, it’s all lies
everyday, i become more and more worn out.. i’m sorry for causing you trouble
everyday, i ask myself, “can’t we go back”
even if i wring out my distressed heart and cry out, you can’t hear
now,
at the end of our memories, after i’ve realized our separation,
i’ll let you go from my heart. goodbye :')

i thought i would forget you as time goes by
but you keep finding your way into my heart again and again

i can’t.. i can’t let go of my love
i have to forget you, you
no matter how much i try to erase
i guess you’re the only one for me
i’m sorry. :(

Do not regret for what u have done because there is nothing u can do about it.

2010-04-06T14:57:00.000+07:00

Sometimes people come into your life & you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out who you are & or who you want to become You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know at the very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
and sometime things will happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, & unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming these obstacles that you would have never realized your true potential, strength, will power, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by mean of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness & sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without this small test, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe & comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people that you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you will become Even the bad experiences are learned from. In fact, they are the most poignant ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love & how to open your heart & eyes to things.
Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment & take from those moments everything you could possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before & actually listen... Let yourself fall in love again, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right too.

Tell yourself that you are a great individual & believe in yourself. For if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make your life anything you wish.....Create your own life & then go out & live it with absolutely NO REGRETS. Most importantly, if you love someone tell him or her, for you NEVER know what tomorrow may have in store. And learn a lesson in life each day you live.
Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday.... Was it worth it?

the day before

2010-04-04T16:09:00.000+07:00

A day that takes eternity
Or a Year that seems to fly
It feels as if the past has stopped
The future passed by
If I could turn back yesterday
If I could make you mine
Would have said the things I couldnt say
If I could turn back time
But I know things now that I never though I'd see
I Could have been the one you wanted me to be

Take me back through the time that's over
Take me back to days gone by
Wish that I could take you back and feel you standing by my side
Make me more than just a memory
Someone that you cant ignore
Take me back to when you loved me yesterday
To the day before

I wonder where we could have been
If we had read beetween the lines
I should have done things differently
We should have seen the signs
If time with you were standing still
But years could pass us by
I could have said the things I meant to say
I'd never need to try
But I know things now that I never though I would
I could have been the man you though you understood

Take me back through the time that's over
Take me back to days gone by
Wish that I could take you back and feel you standing by my side
Make me more than just a memory
Someone that you cant ignore
Take me back to when you loved me yesterday
To the day before

Through the pleasure and the pain
If I'd had the chance
You know that I would do it all again

ciri orang yang mencintai km.

2010-03-31T21:19:00.000+07:00

1. Orang yang mencintai kamu tidak pernah mampu memberikan alasan kenapa dia mencintai kamu. Yang dia tahu di hati dan matanya hanya ada kamu satu-satunya.

2. Walaupun kamu sudah memiliki teman istimewa atau kekasih, dia tidak perduli! Baginya yang penting kamu bahagia dan kamu tetap menjadi impiannya.

3. Orang yang mencintai kamu selalu menerima kamu apa adanya, di hati dan matanya kamu selalu yang tercantik walaupun mungkin kamu merasa berat badan kamu sudah bertambah.

4. Orang yang mencintai kamu selalu ingin tau tentang apa saja yang kamu lalui sepanjang hari ini, dia ingin tau kegiatan kamu.

5. Orang yang mencintai kamu akan mengirimkan SMS seperti ’selamat pagi’, ’have fun’, ’selamat tidur’, ‘take care’, dan lain-lain, walaupun kamu tidak membalas SMS-nya, karena dengan kiriman SMS itu lah dia menyatakan cintanya, menyatakan dengan cara yang berbeda, bukan “aku CINTA padamu”.

6. Jika kamu merayakan tahun baru dan kamu tidak mengundangnya ke pesta yang kamu adakan, setidak-tidaknya dia akan menelefon untuk mengucapkan selamat atau mengirim SMS.

7. Orang yang mencintai kamu akan selalu mengingat setiap kejadian yang dia lalui bersama kamu, bahkan mungkin kejadian yang kamu sendiri sudah melupakannya, karena saat-saat itu ialah saat yang berharga untuknya. dan saat itu, matanya pasti berkaca. karena saat bersamamu tidak selalu terulang.

8. Orang yang mencintai kamu selalu mengingat setiap kata-kata yang kamu ucapkan, bahkan mungkin kata-kata yang kamu sendiri lupa pernah mengungkapkannya. karena dia menyematkan kata-kata mu di hatinya, berapa banyak kata-kata penuh harapan yang kau tuturkan padanya, dan akhirnya kau musnahkan? pasti kau lupa, tetapi bukan orang yang mencintai kamu.

9. Orang yang mencintai kamu akan belajar menggemari lagu-lagu kegemaran kamu, bahkan mungkin meminjam CD milik kamu, karena dia ingin tahu apa kgemaran kamu - kesukaan kamu kesukaannya juga, walaupun susah menggemari kesukaan kamu, tapi akhirnya dia bisa.

10. Kalau kali terakhir kalian bertemu, kamu mungkin sedang sakit, dia akan sentiasa mengirim SMS atau menelefon untuk bertanya keadaan kamu - karena dia khawatir tentang kamu, peduli tentang kamu.

11. Jika kamu mengatakan akan menghadapi ujian, dia akan menanyakan kapan ujian itu berlangsung, dan saat harinya tiba dia akan mengirimkan SMS ‘good luck’ untuk memberi semangat kepada kamu.

12. Orang yang mencintai kamu akan memberikan suatu barang miliknya yang mungkin buat kamu itu ialah sesuatu yang biasa, tetapi baginya barang itu sangat istimewa.

13. Orang yang mencintai kamu akan terdiam sesaat, ketika sedang bercakap di telefon dengan kamu, sehingga kamu menjadi bingung. Sebenarnya saat itu dia merasa sangat gugup karena kamu telah menggetarkan dunianya.

14. Orang yang mencintai kamu selalu ingin berada di dekat kamu dan ingin menghabiskan hari-harinya hanya dengan kamu.

15. Jika suatu saat kamu harus pindah ke daerah lain, dia akan senantiasa memberikan nasihat agar kamu waspada dengan lingkungan yang mungkin membawa pengaruh buruk terhadap kamu. dan jauh dihatinya dia benar-benar takut kehilangan kamu, pernah dengar ‘jauh dimata, dekat dihati?’

16. Orang yang mencintai kamu bertindak lebih seperti saudara daripada seperti seorang kekasih.

17. Orang yang mencintai kamu sering melakukan hal-hal yang bikin BETE, seperti menelefon kamu 100 kali sehari. Atau mengejutkan kamu di tengah malam dengan mengirim SMS. Sebenarnya ketika itu dia sedang memikirkan kamu.

18. Orang yang mencintai kamu kadang-kadang merindukan kamu dan melakukan hal-hal yang membuat kamu pening. Namun ketika kamu mengatakan tindakannya itu membuat kamu terganggu dia akan minta maaf dan tak akan melakukannya lagi.

19. Jika kamu memintanya untuk mengajarimu sesuatu maka ia akan mengajarimu dgn sabar walaupun kamu mungkin orang yang terbodoh di dunia!. bahkan dia begitu gembira karena dapat membantu kamu. dia tidak pernah mengelak dari memenuhi permintaan kamu walau sesulit apapun permintaan itu.

20. Kalau kamu melihat handphone-nya maka nama kamu akan menghiasi sebagian besar INBOX-nya. Dia masih menyimpan SMS-SMS dari kamu walaupun ia kamu kirim berbulan-bulan atau bertahun-tahun yang lalu. Dia juga menyimpan surat-surat kamu di tempat khas dan segala pemberian kamu menjadi benda-benda yang berharga buatnya.

21. Dan jika kamu coba menjauhkan diri darinya atau memberi reaksi menolaknya, dia akan menyadarinya dan menghilang dari kehidupan kamu, walaupun hal itu membunuh hatinya.

22. Jika suatu saat kamu merindukannya dan ingin memberinya kesempatan dia akan ada menunggu kamu karena sebenarnya dia tak pernah mencari orang lain. Dia sentiasa menunggu kamu.

23. Orang yang begitu mencintaimu, tidak pernah memaksa kamu memberinya sebab dan alasan, walaupun hatinya meronta ingin mengetahui, karena dia tidak mau kamu terbebani karenanya. saat kau pinta dia pergi, dia pergi tanpa menyalahkan kamu, karena dia benar-benar mengerti apa itu cinta.

baca dan kamu akan mengerti :)

2010-03-30T16:29:00.001+07:00

bila anda merasa dunia ini tidak adil.
buatlah dunia ini menjadi adil
mulailah dari diri anda,untuk membuat dunia ini menjadi adil

kadang kesendirian itu baik
namun tidak sebaik kebersamaan

saat anda menginginkan waktu kembali berputar
berarti anda tidak mensyukuri waktu yang anda miliki sekarang

nikmatilah waktu anda saat ini
karena waktu tidak akan berbaik hati untuk memutar kembali
ataupun mempercepat waktu

jangan pernah berharap orang lain berubah
sebelum anda merubah diri anda sendiri

saat anda ingin diperlakukan baik oleh orang lain
perlakukanlah orang lain terlebih dahulu,seperti yang anda inginkan

kadang keadaan sangat memojokan anda
tapi bersyukurlah,karena keadaan tidak membunuh anda

kenanglah masa lalu
jalanilah saat ini
bermimpilah untuk masa depan

saat anda merasakan kesendirian
ingatlah,banyak orang yang sangat sayang pada anda

saat anda merasa bahaga,nikmatilah kebahagiaan itu
saat anda merasa sediih , ingatlah kembali kebahagiaan yang pernah anda rasakan.

HELLO WORLD :)

2010-03-30T14:45:00.003+07:00

lama gak nyentuh ni blog *kayak bisa disentuh ajee* wakakakakaka~
banyak gue alamin beberapa hari terakhir ampe gue gak sempet blogging.

1. GAK TIDUR 4 HARI FULL !
omg mata guee ! dah kayak panda beneran aja nii. muka pucet. poni panjang nusuk mata. mata sayu banget. kantung mata gak BERES gede kayak gajah ! -.- lalalalala~ kalo lo mau tanya ngapain ampe gak tidur ? TENANG, gue bukan buat tugas atau buat project apalagi coding. tapi gue maen game online ampe bener2 kecanduan ! kayak heroin buat gue. *buat ngelupain semua masalah2 gue absolutely * saking berhasilna ampe gini gue. tobat vi tobat. UTS bentar lagii.

2. gue daftar jadi IS member research.
pengen aslab tapi gak kesampean PASTI ! *bukan pesimis atau apa, cuma emang begitu adanya*. :D kalo lo baca no 1, pasti bilang gue gak waras. wakakakaka~! bis gak tidur, gak belajar, nyari mati pake gituan. tapi mau gimana. gue berniat, gue pengen dan gue punya minat disana :D horeee~ *loh* wakakakakakaka~

3. SUMPAH ! males banget buka FB !
kenapa ? kalo pake comp, gue batal stuck fb disana mulu ampe 24 jem juga kuat. walo akhirnya bosen cuma browse foto2 orang. tapi enakan pake FB msg-ing 3 sih :D 5ribu per bulan. gue wall orang ampe bego. saking bego dan suka error, tuh wall pernah nyasar di status orang.
status orang : rasanya pengen nangis :(
wall ke orang yang nyasar ke tuh status : SOMBONG ! PAMER !
gilee. untung gue gak dicincang ma tuh orang. wakakakakaka~ bisa gitu o_O
sumpah dodol abis itu namanya. :D

4. TUGAS GUE NUMPUK !
omg. maen mulu gue kerjaan na. ampe ngelupain tanggung jawab. ampun deh vi. sekarang lo bener2 males. bener2 gak niat kuliah gara2 dah diiming imingi pengen pindah !

5. RUMAH SAKIT !
gue bener2 benci tempat yang berbau karbol nyengat banget. dengan semua serba putih. dengan makanan tanpa rasa dan sayuran keras gak enak ! gue dirawat disana selama berapa lama yah ? 4 hari total. walo gak berentet 4 hari sih. puji Tuhan deh. terus jaga papa 5 hari disana. dan makanan yang dimakan kayak gitu juga. serasa mau mati gue makan gitu2an :( dan 3 minggu lagi OPERASI ! oh guys, gue butuh banget dorongan sama support dari lo semua. tapi mau gimana lagi sih yah. mereka gak pernah ada waktu gue pengen cerita. :'(

6. GUE NGERASA ORANG BEGO !
lalalala. gue gak tau apa tapi gue tiba2 labil, gue bilang sahabat itu gak ada. jujur, gak tau napa, gue bisa gitu. tapi itu gue rasa gak bener. gue punya 1 SAHABAT, AYAH, KOKO, TEMEN, OPA, yang sayang ma gue. dia gak kelihatan. tapi tangan na selalu nopang gue dari belakang. dia selalu angkat gue waktu gue jatuh. dia selalu buat gue terlelap tidur waktu gue nangis dan gak ada 1 pun yang mesti gue lakuin. dia selalu ada buat dengerin masalah gue 24/7 tanpa capek dan ngeluh. dia bener2 pendengar yang baik :) dia bisa berubah wujud jadi sesosok teddy bear waktu gue bener2 pengen orang. *khayalan sih, emang boneka beneran. tapi walo boneka, gue ngerasa nyaman peluk2 gitu2an* hahahaha. u know sapa lah sesosok itu :) dia juga sahabat kalian semua kog :)

7. gue lupa nulis apa. wakakakakakakka~
tapi bener2 pengalaman yang gue lakuin sekarang, gue bener2 nikmatin. gue bener2 suka sama apa yang gue alamin. dibalik semua yang gue alamin. walo gue selalu ngeluh, tapi disatu sisi, gue bersyukur banget. hidup gue jauh lebih beruntung dari beberapa orang diluar sana. gue lagi coba, buat gak ngeluh. buat syukurin apa yang gue terima termasuk penyakit dll. :) kenapa? dengan lo ngeluh lo gak dapet apa2. yang lo dapetin cuma penyesalan gak ada henti :D
mendingan lo bangkit, lo move on. enjoy your life. :)
dan 1 lagi, gue mau coba buat jadi sesosok orang yang bener2 ada waktu temen2 gue butuh. gue bener2 lagi coba buat itu. tapi buat jadi itu, gue mesti jadi dewasa, biar mereka lihat gue berubah mereka juga terinspirasi buat jadi kayak gue :) *beneran ini* wakakkakakaa~

1 hal for sure. ENJOY YOUR LIFE.

when someone loves you.

2010-03-22T22:25:00.000+07:00

Seseorang yg mencintai kamu, tidak
bisa
memberikan alasan mengapa ia mencintaimu. Dia
hanya tau, di mata dia, kamulah satu satunya.

Seseorang yg mencintai kamu, sebenarnya selalu
membuatmu marah / gila / jengkel / stres. Tp ia tdk
pernah tau hal bodoh apa yg sudah ia lakukan,
karna semua yg ia lakukan adalah utk kebaikanmu.

Seseorang yg mencintai kamu, jarang memujimu,
tetapi di dlm hatinya kamu adalah yg terbaik,
hanya ia yg tau.

Seseorang yg mencintai kamu, akan marah-marah
atau mengeluh jika kamu tdk membalas pesannya
atau telp nya, karna ia peduli dan ia tdk ingin
sesuatu terjadi ke kamu.

Seseorang yg mencintai kamu, hanya
menjatuhkan air matanya di hadapanmu. Ketika
kamu mencoba utk menghapus air matanya, kamu
telah menyentuh hatinya, dimana hatinya selalu
berdegup / berdenyut / bergetar utk kamu.

Seseorang yg mencintai kamu, akan mengingat
setiap kata yg kamu ucapkan, bahkan yg tdk
sengaja dan ia akan selalu menggunakan kata2 itu
tepat waktunya.

Seseorang yg mencintai kamu, tdk akan
memberikan janji apapun dgn mudah, karna ia tdk
mau mengingkari janjinya. Ia ingin kamu utk
mempercayainya dan ia ingin memberikan hidup
yg paling bahagia dan aman selama lamanya.

Seseorang yg mencintai kamu, mungkin tdk bisa
mengingat kejadian / kesempatan istimewa, seperti
perayaan hari ulang tahunmu, tp ia tau bhw setiap
detik yg ia lalui, ia mencintai kamu, tdk peduli hari
apakah hari ini.

Seseorang yg mencintai kamu, tdk mau berkata
"Aku mencintaimu" dgn mudah, karna lanya
yg ia lakukan utk kamu adalah utk menunjukkan
bhw ia siap mencintaimu, tetapi hanya ia yg akan
mengatakan kata I Love You pada situasi yg
spesial, karna ia tdk mau kamu salah mengerti.
Dia mau kamu mengetahui bhw ia mencintai
dirimu.

Seseorang yg bner2 mencintai kamu, akan
merasa bhw sesuatu harus dikatakan sekali saja
krn ia berpikir bhw kamu telah mengerti dirinya.
Jika berkata terlalu banyak, ia akan merasa bhw
tdk ada yg akan membuatnya bahagia / tersenyum.

Seseorang yg mencintai kamu, akan pergi ke
airport utk menjemput kamu, dia tdk akan
membawa seikat mawar dan memanggilmu
sayang seperti yg kamu harapkan. Tetapi, ia akan
membawakan kopermu dan menanyakan:
Mengapa kamu menjadi lebih kurus dalam waktu 2
minggu? Dengan hatinya yg tulus.

Seseorang yg mencintai kamu, tdk tahu apakah ia
harus menelponmu ketika kamu marah, tetapi ia
akan mengirimkan pesan setelah bbrp jam. Jika
kamu menanyakan: mengapa ia telat menelepon,
ia akan berkata: Ketika kamu marah penjelasan
dari dirinya semua hanyalah sampah. Tetapi,
ketika kamu sudah tenang, penjelasannya baru
akan benar2 bekerja /manjur / berguna.

Seseorang yg mencintaimu, akan selalu
menyimpan semua benda yg telah kamu berikan,
bahkan kertas kecil bertuliskan ' I LOVE U ' ada di
dalam dompetnya dan Seseorang yg mencintaimu,
jarang mengatakan kata2 manis. Tp kamu
tau, 'kecupannya' sudah menyalurkan semua rasa cinta yang ada dalam hatinya.

Semoga gue bisa nemuin seseorang yang bisa sayang sama gue seperti itu. amin :)

:)

2010-03-22T22:19:00.002+07:00

Here are some of the anonymous love quotes and sayings from anonymous people:

God gave us two ears to hear, two eyes to see and two hands to hold. But why did God give us only one heart? Because he wants us to find the other one.

Is the word "love" important?
I don't know but for me, you are more important.
Do you know why?
Because how can I say "I love you" if you're not here.

One time I asked you, "why do you love him so much?" you told me, "because we've been together for so long", I got annoyed because you're numb, you didn't even think that the time you were together, it took me longer to have waited for you.

No matter how many times I get hurt because of you, I won't leave you. Because even if I have a hundred reasons to leave you, I'll look for that one reason to fight for you.

An angel asked me "why are you sad?", thinking of you I answered "because I miss her", then I heard the angel giggle...I looked up and began to smile and said "oh, it's you!"

They said that if you are unable to sleep, it's because there's someone thinking about you...surely that person misses you. That's why if you can't sleep, sorry, I can't help it.

St. Peter scold me saying "son, where have you been?" And he saw me with you and asked "why are you with that person?" and I said to him "sorry St. Peter, I though it was heaven."

Back then I thought I was the unluckiest person in the world, then I looked at you and smiled. Why? Because no matter how unlucky I was, it was worth it because of you.

They said love is like a toy. When it's new, it's so loved and don't want to lend it to others, doesn't want anybody touching it and don't want to let go of it. Yes, it's being taken care of, but the down side is, it's being played so many times.

When the time comes for you to leave me, just say so! I can let you go. But let me embrace you while saying, " You'll go back to me, okay! When he leaves you."

In love, the past is not important, but the present. Experience is more relevant than the pain you went through. The only thing that will make it stronger is forgiveness and not the retorting of sin.

God is so good. He knows where a person will be happy, where they can love and be loved, where heaven on earth is. Now I know why he put me near you.

Any guy can love a thousand girls...but only a rare guy can love one girl in a thousand ways

In every girls life there will always be those three guys...the one she loves, the one she hates, and the one she cant get enough of...and in the end... they're all the same guy.

Find that guy that will pick up every piece of your shattered heart & put it back together; Replacing it with a piece of his.

I love you not because I need you, I need you because I love you

If you asked me how many times you have crossed my mind, I would say once, because you never really left…

They say love hides in every corner, then I must be walking in circles

Others will say, loving someone is tiring: sometimes happy, sometimes you'll cry!
They said I'd have enough someday.
I said to them, that is not true, you know why? "when does ever a person had enough if his love is true.."

I wish I had never known you. I was happy before even when you were not there yet. Unlike now, you make me suffer, I know that you didn't mean to have known me. Me too, I wasn't planning on loving you.

No matter what words were used or what meaning about love was delivered, love quotes were said and written out of inspiration and to emphasize each person’s purpose for living…and that is to give love.

2010-03-22T22:06:00.002+07:00

KEEP SMILING VII ! :)
HARD HARD HARD. gak bisa boongin diri gue, kalo gue itu CENGENG ! cant stop my tears. always with me God :(

I love everything you hate about yourself

2010-03-21T23:05:00.000+07:00

I never knew that I will fall for you

Enjoying every single minute I spend with you

You're always showering me with bunch of smiles

Although sometimes I shed tears

But I know it's only about time to forget you

Promise to myself

If today is going to rain, I would have stayed

And keep my heart locked to yours

But time tells faster than I think

Is not raining at all, and I gotta leave

Letting someone you love, loves someone else

Isn't as hard as what others might think

But the pain you have in your heart

Is something that couldn't be explained with words

Capturing happiness being with you

Laughing and just simply being myself

Several reasons I am completely falling for you

With your smile curves on your lips

My heart smiles

But you are just way too far away to be

With someone else is in your heart

And let yourself hurt again one more time

What I'm supposed to do? You won't listen to me

Giving your whole heart to someone who doesn't even think that you're exist

When I know you care about me, I'm pleased

Or even just asking some simple questions about me

Doesn't even care how much you love someone else

I just care how you're being nice to me

And telling me with some of your stupid jokes

One thing I hate about you is the way you keep insulting yourself

Or the way you keep complaining about the weakness of you

Cause to me, you are simply adorable and nice creature

With that smooth smile & voice, you're just too perfect to be

One more thing, I love everything you hate about yourself

2010-03-18T00:43:00.002+07:00

as long as you can smile i'll be fine :)

thanks devii

2010-03-15T18:40:00.002+07:00

sauatu hari, seseorang yg sedang putus cinta menangis di taman, saat itu datang seorg ahli filsafat bertanya padanya, "knp km menangis??"
org itu menjaawb,
"aku sangat sedih, knp dia meninggalkan ku??!!!"
lalu ahli filsafat itu tertawa sambil berkata
"km bodoh sekali...."
lalu org itu menjawab.
"km ini bagaimana?? Aku sedang putus cinta sedih cukup menyedihkn, tak apalah, klo km tak membujuk ku. tapi, km msh jg menertawai ku".
"BODOH , km tak perlu sedih,karna yg seharusnya sedih adalah dia" kata org filsafat.
"kenapa dia yang bersedih, kan dia yg memutuskan ku??"
kata orang itu,
"karena km hanya kehilangan org yg tak mencintaimu, tetapi dia Kehilangan oranag nyg begitu mencintainya." Jwb ahli filsafat itu. :)

ni notes copas dari devii. :)
thanks deviii. bagus :)
tadi pengen nangis, tapi bisa sedikit senyum :)

yang berubah cuma status aja, agak turun. tapi kita kan masi sama2 jadi temen sepermainan :)

happy birthday evii

2010-03-12T20:54:00.004+07:00

gak tau napa, gue ngerasa feel free post disini. gue bisa cerita apa aja :)

dan buat post gue kemaren, gue kemakan kata gue sendiri. senyum susah waktu begini ! :( nangis paling gampang. padahal dulu gue gak cengeng. GILAAA !!

huhu.

btw,

HAPPT BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF.

19 years old :)

ko david suruh cerita ada apa yang asik di hari ini ?

gue rasa gak ada :(

cuma dapet ucapan selamat dan wall bejibun. just it.

hmm. tapi ada sih dikit.

waktu pulang, diatas meja makanan kesukaan semua :)

pengen nangis, tapi ketahan. seneng punya keluarga yang masi inget gue ultah :) SENENG !

huffh. kangen sama calviin BANGET @.@

*vin, sorry. kemaren lupa beli kue. lupa rayain malem2. bukan lupa. tapi baru keluar dari rumah sakit :( gak sempet. maaf yah.*

tahun ini beda banget. calvin gak ada. kue gak ada. teddy bear gak akan pernah lengkap lagi.

oiiya. thanks buat KEVIN MICHAEL. buat teddy bear na :) jangan pernah bilang itu dari calvin lagi. jangan bilang itu buat lengkapin teddy bear dari dia. lo gak tau kan kayak apa. pasti dia baca status gue, yang pengen teddy bear gede. tapi teddy bear yang gue maksud bukan itu. lo gak ngerti lah vin. walo cuma dapet itu tapi gue seneng. bukan barang yang gue harapin. masi banyak yang berguna dari materii :)

GATEELL !! gila. badan gue merah semua. muka gue panas. 1 badan sekarang merah2.

tangan bekas infus. gilaaa ! pengen marah2. tapi cuma bisa bejek2 bantal doank. :)

hmmm. moga permintaan gue di hari ini di kabulin. amin :D

gak minta yang susah kan Tuhan :)

cuma pengen semua yang disekitar aku bahagia. just it :)

tahun lalu dah egois, minta buat diri sendiri ajha. tapi ternyata masih banyak yang mesti diperhatiin :)

yeyy! walo JARANG ke gereja, tapi ngerasa deket banget sama Tuhan :)

mungkin ni salah satu tamparan Tuhan. biar makin deket sama dia. well kalo gitu :)

mesti rajin ke gereja. aktif lagi di gereja. cross my heart :)

smile

2010-03-11T18:38:00.001+07:00

yeaah !! I got it :)

mungkin selama ini gue nangis2 gak jelas. tapi setelah coba maksain diri untuk senyum, I can.

masalah gue berat. pikiran gue banyak. hampir sakit batin dan mental *baca buku CB* hahaha.

tapi cuma dengan SENYUM. gue ngerasa jadi enteng.

tapi, jangan lupa. DOA ! minta sama Tuhan. bukan minta biar Tuhan kasi kegampangan dalam hidup lo, tapi minta KEKUATAN sama dia, buat ngelaluin hidup lo yang berat ini :)

trust me, its work ! :)

easy to say hello. hard to say goodbye

2010-03-09T16:53:00.002+07:00

broke up?

yes. we are

hubungan gw gagal (lagi). i dont regret it.

tapi jujur, gue banyak dapet pelajaran dari sana. gue banyak belajar buat lebih menghargai seseorang, seseorang yang pernah hadir di hidup gue. mungkin selama dia hadir di hidup gue, selama kurang lebih 5 bulan, gue BAHAGIA :)

ada seseorang yang bener2 ngerti gue. ada seseorang yang bener2 sayang sama gue. dan gue rasa, Tuhan berkehendak lain buat hubungan kita :) (smile, hard but I can )

gue juga belajar ttg menghargai waktu yang dikasih sama Tuhan. karena selama hampir 2 bulan putus (from now) gue ngerasa waktu dulu berharga banget, gue pengen ulang lagi. tapi gak ada kesempatan, waktu gak bisa diputar lagi.

banyak banget pelajaran yang bisa gue petik dari smua masalah ini. gue yakin for sure, ini cm tahap pendewasaan diri. Hal kaya ini emang harus gue lewatin, walopun BERAT bgt, honestly, its been a hardest time of my life. maybe its sounds lebay, whatever. gue bukan tipe yang easy come easy go, jadi kehilangan sesuatu buat gue, gue ngerasa sangat berat :(

for sure , i dont hate him. really. walo gue pernah ngom kayak gitu sama dia. :( and orang yang paling mengerti gue, DIA !

tapi mau gimana lagi, gue harus belajar untuk merelakan dia pergi. hmm. dari kemaren, sampai sekarang gue gak sentuh hp gue, baru aja gue sentuh hp gue. hp gue taroh lemari, gak ada pulsa dan many more. kenapa? gue HARUS belajar nerima kenyataaan. selama ini yang gue expected gak berjalan sesuai keinginan gue. tapi nanti, kalo gue udah bisa terima keadaan, atau whatever lah, gue pasti cari dia lagi. sebagai teman, sahabat dan koko. :D

gue harus kuat, gue ga boleh terpuruk, gue gak boleh cengeng lagi, mesti ke evii yang dulu, kembali ke sifat sanguin gue :)

im sure dy is better without me, dy harus konsen ke studi, i know hal kaya gini susah bgt buat gue. berat buat gue. huhu :(

mungkin sekarang gue gak bisa jadi yang terbaik buat dia, gue masi childish, egois, mau menang sendiri, gak pernah mikirin perasaaan orang, ngom seenak jidat, and many more. tapi gue dapet pelajaran berharga dari semua itu . sekarang, gue HARUS RUBAH semua itu. HARUS. gak mau ngorbanin orang lagii, gak mau sakitin perasaan orang lagi :(

im sure love will find a way. :)

xoxo :(

so yesterday.

2010-03-08T22:19:00.003+07:00

You can change your life - if you wanna
You can change your clothes - if you wanna
If you change your mind
Well, that's the way it goes

But I'm gonna keep your jeans
And your old black hat - cause I wanna
They look good on me
You're never gonna get them back

At least not today, not today, not today
'cause

[Chorus:]
If it's over, let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday
I'm just a bird that's already flown away

Laugh it off let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday
Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay

You can say you're bored - if you wanna
You can act real tough - if you wanna
You can say you're torn
But I've heard enough

Thank you... you made my mind up for me
When you started to ignore me
Do you see a single tear
It isn't gonna happen here
At least not today, not today, not today
'cause

[Chorus]

If you're over me, I'm already over you
If it's all been done, what is left to do
How can you hang up if the line is dead
If you wanna walk, I'm a step ahead
If you're moving on, I'm already gone
If the light is off then it isn't on
At least not today, not today, not today
'cause

[Chorus 2X]

.

2010-03-04T18:20:00.001+07:00

miss you DAMN MUCH !

2010-03-01T12:35:00.005+07:00

When you loose someone close to you
You cant explain the way you feel,
The way you could just all hang out and never get bored
Just the way you could all be friends and never fight

You never got to say your last goodbye to your good mate
But always remember he is above us all
Telling us not to grieve and to get on with life
And live life like he would have
With passion and pride
And live it up for your mate because he cant anymore

You would always back each other up
Everywhere you go you look lonely
Now I see how much loosing someone means
I am so sorry I know I cant take your pain away

When you loose someone remember
All the good times
And not the bad ones
Because that is what matters the most

You make mistakes in life
But look-so does everyone else
So dont look at all the mistakes you made
Look at the ones you made together and how much fun you had

best in me

2010-03-01T11:41:00.000+07:00

From the moment I met you I just knew you'd be mine
You touched my hand
And I knew that this was gonna be our time
I don't ever wanna lose this feeling
I don't wanna spend a moment apart

'Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you

Every day that I'm here with you
I know that it feels right
And I've just got to be near you every day and every night
And you know that we belong together
It just had to be you and me

'Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you

And you know that we belong together, It just had to be you and me

'Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side
'Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you
'Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you

:(

2010-02-27T23:22:00.002+07:00

How about you just leave me alone?
I don't know how to get back home.
Oh my I feel so damn cold,
All I do is snap and break and fold.

I'm going to beg and I'm going to cry.
I'm going to ask you for the reason why.
I know you don't want me, that is clear to see,
Why is this the way it has to be?

God, I miss talking to you,
Why do I care this much for you?
My heart it thumps and drums and aches,
Everything inside me breaks.

It's all so pathetic, abnormal, unfair,
How do you manage to not even care?
How do I manage to feel this way?
Wake up in the morning, why's it not just okay?

I'm going to pretend and I'm going to hide,
I'm not going to find someone to confide.
I don't want to talk to anyone but you
I hate that you don't want to talk to me too.

Damn, I just want it to all be fine,
To wake up and appreciate the sunshine,
The clouds, the rain they pelt like demons,
I cannot stand your fleeting reasons.

:(

2010-02-26T23:06:00.002+07:00

mungkin buat gue sendiri, gue agak canggung nulis di blog. hampir gak pernah gue cerita masalah gue disini. gue gakt au mau nulis dimana :(

akhir2 ini gue merasa kehilangan banyak, gue ditinggal sama koko gue sendiri buat selamanya di saat gue bener bener down dan butuh dia banget.

gue bener2 kacau, gue bener2 terguncang banget. dan disaat gue bener2 jadi anak cengeng, gue mesti jalanin itu sendiri, gak ada yang nemenin lagi.

masalah hati gue yang udah sebulan lebih ini, gue rasa makin kacau ditambah keadaan gue sekarang :(

gue bener - bener bingung. gue gak siap nerima semuanya. semua yang bakal terjadi.

karena feeling gue sendiri bilang semua bakal lenyap. intinya, satu orang lagi akan ninggalin gue lagi. :(

di satu sisi, ada masalah dengan keluar, dan apa mereka juga akan ninggalin gue lagi ? kalau iya, bener2 sendirian lah gue disini :(

gak ada yang nemenin gue berceloteh dan lain lain.

jujur, sendirian tanpa ada seorang pun yang peduli sama gue, itu ketakutan gue terbesar. gue takut berada dalam posisi itu.

dan mungkin sekarang hidup gue udah gelap dan akan bertambah gelap sebentar lagi. gue bener2 butuh seseorang yang bisa jadi cahaya buat gue. kasi gue setitik terang yang ngasih gue tanda kalau gue masi ada harapan. harapan itu blm sirna semua.

jujur, gue sekarang jadi orang yang bener2 pesimis. gue mandang sesuatu jadi gak mungkin. dan semua mimpi gue lenyap gitu aja dalam waktu yang singkat. hidup gue berevolusi dengan cepat. semua berubah begitu cepat. dan gue masi tertegun.

gue mau melangkah maju tapi gue ak sanggup. gue masi gak rela buat beranjak dari waktu itu, gue masi berharap sama sesuatu yang udah lenyap dan gue sendiri tau itu gak bakal keulang lagi.

gue pengen beranjak, tapi gue takut untuk moving, kaki gue lemah, gue cuma bisa duduk diam di titik itu dan nangis. gue ngerasa kayak anak kecil banget. kayak anak kecil yang kehilangan permen :(

semua yang terjadi masi kayak mimpi. dan kalu bisa, gue gak mau bangun dari mimpi itu, gue masi mau bermimpi.

tapi Tuhan masi baik sama gue, dia masi ngasih gue seseorang yang nemenin gue, dia bukan koko gue yang udah pergi ninggalin gue. tapi dia mau berperan menjadi seorang koko yang baik sama gue. :)

gue cukup senang dengan itu. tapi kenapa gue masi berharap lebih :(

gue berharap semua masi bisa bejalan kayak dulu, gue masi berharap kalau gue masi bisa ngulang semua. please God, buang semua ketamakan gue. gue udah nyaman di posisi ini. dan akan lebih nyaman dan bahagia kalau bisa di posisi yang gue inginkan. dulu gue pernah jatuh, dan gue gak mau jatuh terpuruk lebih jauh lagi. gue gak mau ngerasain gimana hancur nya gue waktu ngerasain hal yang lama gak gue rasain itu. terlalu sakit dan gue terlalu rapuh.

gue udah coba hilangin semua yang pernah ada, tapi semua gak ada hasilnya. gue makin menggilai dia dan semua yang berusaha gue hapus, malah makin membekas jelas, bukannya memudar :(

gue bingung. gue mesti gimana, gue gak pernah ngerasain sesayang ini sama seseorang. dan gue juga gak pernah ngerasain disayang seseorang dengan tulus gini.

yang gue tau, hampir semua orang akan melakukan hal yang berbeda dengan dia lakuin.

mungkin orang yang blm kenal gue akan merasa baik2 aja sebelum ketemu gue, tapi akan berubah drastis setelah lihat gue. yah, mereka semua emang gak buta. mungkin gue seserem monster !! atau lebih parah sehingga mereka akan berusah ngejauhin gue setelah bertemu dengan gue dan hal itu pernah gue rasain dengan beberapa orang termasuk seorang pacar yang langsung mutusin gue setelah melihat gue. ahahhaha XD sekuat itukah kekuatan fisik.

dia berbeda dengan semua, dia gak memperlakukan gue dengan begitu, kita malah makin deket. tapi karna kesalahan bodoh gue dan gue yang gak bisa nepain janji, semua berakhir !! :(

jujur, gue udah capek. gue udah capek dibilang bodoh sama orang2 karna perbuatan gue. gue emang bidih, gue emang bego !ada lagi yang mau mencaci gue ?! silahkan. gue udah bener2 mati rasa.

gue gak tau lagi mesti gimana. mesti berbuat apa. gue gak bisa lihat apa2. pandangan gue gelap, ada cahaya tapi gak bisa jadi guide gue, karena cahaya yang selama ini nenangin gue sebentar lagi akan hilang, dia makin lama makin redup. gue cuma ngelakuin hal yang menurut hati gue bener sekarang. :(

gue bener2 bingung !

8 hal yang gak dimengerti cwo

2010-02-23T23:07:00.007+07:00

1.Cewek selalu bertanya kepada cowok: kamu lagi dimana? Lagi ngapain? sama siapa ?
Mereka cewek bukan prosesif kepada cowoknya.. melainkan sangat merindukan cowoknya, hanya ingin ngobrol dengan cowok, cowok tidak sms, takut cowok lagi sibuk, tapi cewek tidak tahan untuk merindukan cowoknya, Jadi apabila cowok ada waktu luang hubungi ceweknya, biar cewek tenang, biar cewek tahu jika dihati cowok masi ada dia. Jika cewek yang selalu duluan hubungi cowoknya, cewek akan merasa dia seperti cewek murahan yang tidak dihargai.

2. Cewek mengatakan : saya sedang bad mood.
Jgn pernah menyalahkan cewek sebab cewek sedang mencari perhatian yg lebih, lebih lagi jgn ngerasa jika cewek sedang merepotkanmu. cewek bukanlah bener² bad mood, cewek hanya sedang merindukanmu, hanya ingin kamu disisinya merayunya, walau cowok hanya mengatakan : “sudahlah, jgn gitu ya ?”.

3. Cewek mengatakan: jgn sampai kena flu/ hati² dijalan.
Jangan pernah ngerasa kalau cewek itu bawel, karena cewek tahu cowok tidak bego, cewek tahu cowok itu cerdik, cewek hanya ingin cowok tahu jika di hatinya ada kamu, cewek juga selalu merasa ingin menjagamu.

4. Cewek selalu mengatakan jika dia tambah gemuk atau tidak cantik.
Jangan ngerasa jika cewek sedang cemburu akan kecantikan org lain dll. cewek hanya takut di mata cowok, dia belum cukup perfect, cewek sudah berusaha berubah demi cowoknya.

5. Cewek selalu bilang jika dia ingin membantumu(cowok), jadi jika ada masalah apa ngomong ke cewek juga.
sebenarnya cewek tahu dia tidak dapat membantu apa², cewek hanya ingin cowok tahu jika kamu(cowok) masi ada dia(cewek), cewek akan selalu disisi dan selalu mendukung cowoknya.

6. Cewek melihat cowok terlalu dekat dengan cewek lain akan sedikit marah. Jangan bilang klo cewek suka cemburu, tidak percaya pada cowok, sebenarnya itulah yang melambangkan jika cewek memerhatikan cowoknya dan peduli dengan cowoknya, kadang cewek hanya bisa merayu dirinya sendiri untuk tidak cepat cemburu.

7. Dalam masalah apapun juga, cewek selalu mengharapkan pendapat cowoknya.
bukannya cewek tidak teliti, selalu mengharapkanmu, cewek hanya menghargai cowoknya dan menganggap kamu yang pertama.

8. Jika cewek sedang banyak masalah, selalu banyak pikiran yang mengganggunya, sehingga cewek akan sembarang berpikir.
Jangan ngerasa jika cewek terlalu banyak mikir, hanya terkadang cewek ngerasa posisi dia saat ini tidak aman, dan dia mengharapkan cowoknya menenangkan dia..

9 hal yang gak dimengerti cwe

2010-02-23T23:07:00.006+07:00

1. Cewek tidak akan pernah tahu mengapa cowok harus berani..
karena cowok tahu, walau tampak dari luar mereka berani, sebenarnya cowok paling lemah.walaupun demikian cowok selalu ingin menjaga orang terpentingnya yg ada disisinya ingin dinilai terbaik.

2. Cewek tidak akan pernah tahu mengapa cowok tidak suka menangis
cowok bukan tidak punya airmata, tapi cowok tahu, sekali meneteskan airmata, perasaan ini akan berakhir.

3. Cewek tidak akan tahu, disaat cowok itu putus dengan cewek, cowok tetap akan melindunginya dari jauh
karena cowok tahu, skrg hanya lah sebatas teman..
hanya ingin mengenang akan kenangan yg pernah ada antara mereka berdua

4. Cewek tidak akan tahu, disaat cewek dijahili, cowok akan sangat marah demi untuk membela ceweknya
karena cowok tahu, walau dia akan kalah, tapi ia tetap merasa senang karena dapat melindungi org yang disayanginya
cowok lebih memilih dia yang sakit daripada ceweknya

5. Cewek tidak akan tahu disaat cowok putus cinta, cowok akan berusaha untuk memabukkan dirinya sendiri
karena cowok tahu, jika sekarang ini dia tidak mabuk, ia akan melewati hari yg sangat susah, karna ia masih menginginkannya

6. Cewek tidak akan tahu, mengapa cowok mesti bersifat tidak pelit
karena, cowok rela jika dia sendiri yang irit, dan tidak akan mau diremehkan orang lain.

7. Cewek tidak akan tahu mengapa cowok selalu memarahi cewek
karena cowok tahu, memarahi seseorang yg dicintai bukanlah cinta, tapi mending cowok menjadi peran jahat dari pada disuatu saat nanti ceweknya dimarahi dan dibohongin orang lain

8. Cewek tidak akan pernah tahu mengapa cowok cemburu akan masa lalu dengan mantan cewek
bukan berarti cowok tidak pede akan perasaannya dengan cewek, tetapi cowok takut akan kehilangan ceweknya..

9. Cewek tidak akan tahu mengapa cowok tidak ngomongin I LOVE U dengan cewek nya
Bukan cowok tidak mau tetapi mereka ngerti, beribu² kata I Love U tidak akan cukup jika cowok itu tidak mampu mempertahankan cewek itu ke pelaminan

wew~

2010-02-23T21:16:00.000+07:00

33 Hal Tentang COWO:

1. Cowo sesungguhnya nggak ngeliat cewe itu cantik ato nggak, tapi mereka lebih cenderung ngeliat cewe yang rapi dan anggun.

2. Cowo nggak suka sama yang genit.

3. Ketika cowo bilang kalau dia nggak ngerti kamu, scara gamblang itu brarti kamu nggak berpikir seperti yang dia pikir.

4. Cowo mungkin aja bergenit-genit ria sepanjang hari, tapi sebelum mereka tidur mereka selalu memikirkan cewe yang benar-benar mereka sayang.

5. Ketika seorang cowo benar-benar menyayangimu, dia akan melupakan semua karakter jelekmu.

6. Cowo tergila-gila sama yang namanya senyuman cewe.

7. Cowo akan melakukan apapun juga hanya untuk ngedapetin perhatian
cewe (yang di taksir).

8. Jika kamu menyentuh hati cowo, maka itu cowo akan berkorban apa aja buat kamu.

9. Jika seorang cewe bilang “nggak”, cowo akan mendengarnya sebagai “coba lagi besok”…it’s so true!

10. Kamu harus ungkapin apa yang benar-benar kamu mau sebelum cowo melakukan apa yang kamu mau.

11. Cowo mencintai ibunya.

12. Cowo akan ngorbanin uang lunch mereka hanya untuk berikan kamu beberapa bunga mawar.

13. Cowo sering memikirkan cewe yang menyukai mereka tapi ini bukan brarti cowo menyukai cewe itu.

14. Kamu nggak akan mengerti cowo kecuali kamu mendengarkan mereka.

15. Jika seorang cowo berkata dia mencintaimu untuk seumur hidupnya, maka itulah kenyataannya.

16. Berhati-hatilah, cowo bisa membuat gossip menyebar smpai separuh bumi lebih cepat daripada cewe.

17. Layaknya Hawa, cewe adalah kelemahan cowo.

18. Cowo sangat terbuka tentang diri mereka.

19. Adalah bagus untuk ngetest cowo dulu sebelum kamu mempercayainya, tapi jangan membuatnya menunggu terlalu lama krn dia akan pergi darimu.

20. Cowo sebenernya benci baju mereka jadi kotor walau itu oleh sebintik
noda.

21. Cowo benar-benar mengagumi cewe yang mereka suka meski cewe itu nggak terlalu cantik.

22. Jika seorang cowo curhat ke kamu, dia hanya butuh seseorang untuk mendengar dia curhat, kamu nggak harus ngasih dia saran…

23. Sebuah sikap yang menunjukkan cowo benar-benar menyukaimu adlah ketika dia membelaimu.

24. Cowo benar-benar menjaga semua rahasia-rahasia yang diceritakan oleh cewe yang dia sayang.

25. Cowo terlalu banyak berpikir.

26. Fantasi cowo benar-benar tak terbatas.

27. Tinggi cewe bukan masalah bagi cowo, tapi berat cewe benar-benar jadi masalah bagi cowo.

28. Cowo cenderung untuk serius tentang hubungan dia sama cewenya dan menjadi terlalu posesif. So watch out girls!

29. Cowo bisa lebih banyak bicara dibanding cewe terlebih bila topiknya seputar cewe.

30. Kamu bisa benar-benar bilang bahwa seorang cowo itu bermaksud baik bila kamu meliat dia berdoa (untukmu…?)

31. Jika cowo bilang kamu itu cakep, itu brarti dia menyukaimu.

32. Cowo benci sama cewe yang overreact.

33. Cowo lebih mencintaimu daripada kamu mencintai dia jika mereka udah serius sama hubungan itu.

today more than yesterday :)

2010-02-10T18:55:00.001+07:00

(I Do) Can you look at one person for the rest of your life?
(I Do) Can you care for someone else more than you do yourself?
(I Do) I can answer whoever asks me
(I Do) You, you’re my love

I will not promise you
If I knew i was going to waver, even for a little bit
I don’t start anything, If I know that the heart can heal itself

I love you more than I did yesterday
I have never met someone so important and precious to me
that it hurts, to meet you
to feel this happiness
I must have dealt with a lot of pain.

When the days are hard, it gets sad
The pain that causes the tears to come
it will end someday
the only thing that is endless is our love

I love you more than I did yesterday
I have never met someone so important and precious to me
that it hurts, to meet you
to feel this happiness
I must have dealt with a lot of pain

I don't want to do this ever again
breaking-up unless it’s a break-up to meet you once more
whenever and forever

Because it feels like my overwhelming heart will explode
because I think the person before my eyes isn’t really you
I run, and embrace the breathing you
I am the idiot, who let go of his worries

I love you more than I did yesterday
I have never met someone so important and precious to me
that it hurts, to meet you
to feel this happiness
I must have dealt with a lot of pain

what I need :)

2010-02-03T22:48:00.001+07:00

Bukanlah sebuket mawar merah di hari Valentine
Tapi sebuah usapan kecil di kepala saat aku sedih

Bukanlah sebuah boneka teddy bear besar
Tapi sebuah cubitan kecil penuh sayang

Bukanlah apel wajib setiap malam minggu
Tapi sebuah pelukan hangat yang mencairkan hati yang beku

Bukanlah kata manis yang didapat dari forwardan teman-teman
Tapi sebuah tawa yang berhasil diukirkan untukku

Bukanlah sekotak coklat manis kesukaanku
Tapi sebuah tangan yang mengusap wajah penuh air mata

Bukanlah kata-kata I love you
Tapi sebuah belaian penuh kasih

Bukanlah suara merdu penyanyi favoritku
Tapi nada yang peduli akan retaknya hati yang terluka

Bukanlah sekotak perban dan plester luka
Tapi kehangatan yang melingkupi hati penuh sakit

Bukanlah sebalok es yang beku
Tapi canda tawa yang meredam amarah dan dendam

Bukanlah sebuah rekayasa permainan
Tapi perasaan yang disampaikan dari hati

Bukanlah sebuah cincin berlian
Tapi kesetiaan yang bukan hanya kata-kata

Bukanlah aku dan kamu
Tapi KITA....

dandelion's promise

2009-11-02T21:29:00.000+07:00

The dandelion next to the fence in primary school
It was a scenery that had flavor in my memory
Taking an afternoon nap, cicada noise comes from the playground
After how many years, it still sounds good

Fold up the dreams into a paper airplane and send it as a letter
Because we can't wait for that meteor
Throwing the coin that decides fate seriously
Yet I don't know where I can go

A promise made when growing up together
It's so clear
I believe it since we made a pinky swear
We said we would go on holiday together
It is nowadays your
Only wilful persistence

In the corridor we stand as punishment and have our hands slapped
Yet we pay attention to the dragonfly by the window
Wherever I go you will follow very closely
Lots of dreams are waiting to done

A promise made when growing up together
It's so sincere
The one time I can't stop chatting to you about
And I already can't tell the difference
Whether you are friendship or love I missed out on

last word

2009-11-01T23:36:00.001+07:00

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.

I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.

She said, "I miss you."

I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."

She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.

I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."

Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.

Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"

Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.

But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."

We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.

She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."

With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.

She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."

I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"

I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"

I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide.

But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.

I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."

She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her.

I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.

love messages

2009-11-01T23:35:00.001+07:00

My cellphone's beeping sound woke me up one night. Used to receiving important messages only, I grabbed my cell and sleepily pushed the keys and read the message.

"Hi there! Care 2 b my txtmate?"

Not knowing who the sender was, I deleted the message right away and placed the phone on my bedside table, I tried to go back to sleep.

I had just closed my eyes when I heard the message tone again.

"Hi there, again! Care 2 b my txtmate?" again, the message said.

"Who the hell could this be asking for txtmate at the wee hours of the night?" I asked myself.

Again, without bothering to reply I deleted the message.

I was never a 'textmaniac' - someone who enjoys texting anyone and everyone even at the wee hours of night, not to mention during the day. My parents, who were always out of the country forced me to own a cellphone. They told me that having one was more convenient - they could monitor me even if they're miles away.

I wanted to turn the unit off, but since my mother was fond of calling me at night, just to check if I was safe at home, I decided not to.

Just as I was to close my eyes and return to my dreamless sleep, the phone beeped again.

Same number...Such determination!

"Ply reply 2 dis msg & b an angel & save me frm dis abyss of emptiness!!!"

I never knew why, but the message struck me. I got up and pushed the keys... I just realized I was replying to the message.

"Im not an angel, n f u want som1 2 save u, m not superman... I'm just a simple prson who u wake up at dis r of my nyt!!! Nway, do I know u?" I typed.

Seconds later came the reply.

"Nope. U don't know dis lonely soul. Nor does she know u. But I want 2 b ur frnd. I'm Mikaella Cervantes. U?"

"Just call me Julius. How'd u get my no.?" I sent back.

"Hi Julius, nice 2 meet u. Just shuffled the last two digits of mine," she replied.

That was the first and maybe the last time I met someone over the cellphone.

We exchanged messages and learned so much about each other that night. We only said goodbye when my alarm clock rang at 5:00 AM! I had to prepare for school!

And that was also how it all started. A day would not pass without a loving and thoughtful messages from her. It was only then I had learned to appreciate text messages and become eager and excited everytime my phone beeped, hoping it would be her.

Mikaella brought out something about me that I never knew I had; I realized I could also be a romantic person... even if it's just through text messaging.

"Keep me as a frnd & I will keep u in my heart. Lock it up & throw away d key so dat no1 can evr tke u away from me..."
One day, she sent this message to me.

I replied: 'In life, we seldom find a true prson & f u evr find 1, hold on & nvr let go... value dat prson coz it's lyf's gift worth keeping & holdin on..."

I never knew why, but her response sent shivers to my spine, " Value d people hu hav touched ur life bcoz u will never know just wen dey will walk out of ur lyf & nvr come back again."

I couldn't understand what I felt that moment, but one thing I was sure though... I could not go on a day without a single word from her. I'd become used to having her, eventhough we had not met personally. But truly, she already occupied a space, a large one, in fact in my life.

I texted her back. "Dont come close f l8r ull jst pass by; don't touch me f l8r ull jst let me cry; dont luv me f l8r ull jst leave me and won't stay..."

I didn't know why I sent her that message, but somehow I felt, every word came from my heart. In the short span of time we were sending messages to each other, I knew, I was starting to keep her in my heart.

I called her once. The voice on the other end was like an angel's. Soft, kind, full of love. Yet, there was something in it I couldn't define. We only talked for a few minutes. Before she hung up, she told me not to call again. According to her, it would be better if we would just text each other.

But the voice kept ringing, not only in my head, but in my heart, I'd long to hear it once more. I tried to call her again, but she never answered the phone. She just kept on sending messages and quotations, which I copied in a little notebook. Hopeless romantic? I didn't know. All I could say was that all the messages she sent me were wonderful, they came from the heart and cut through the heart.

"Though we r miles apart, u r always n my heart. I close my eyes & der u r. Even f I'll see u never, I'll always b hir 2 care 4 u, far longer dan 4ever..."

One December night, she sent me this message. By that time we had been exchanging messages for more than a month. God knew how happy I was. She was right. Although we had not seen each other, what we felt was enough to make us both realize what was keeping us together.

I sent her another message, "Loving u secretly is a hard thing 4 me 2 do,hoping, wondring that u will feel d same way 2, but I can't read r mind f u luv me 2. But whatever it is, I'll still be loving u."

"How I wish I cud really tell u how much u mean 2 me, but m afraid 2 love, scared 2 get hurt... I hope dat u will wait 4 me & pray dat u will not get tired of loving me...=)" was her reply.

And then I replied again. " The reason y I met u is bcoz of destiny but f destiny will suggest dat I'll live w/o u, den, I'll lie not by destiny but of free will."

Whenever I asked her when we would meet personally, she always answered, "Soon...soon, love...soon."

Not seeing each other did not lessen, even a bit, what I felt for her...rather, it even grew deeper and stronger each day. And I was sure, she felt the same way, too. Love messages continued to flow through our lines, between our hearts, which made us go on each day with the thought that sooner, we would see each other, face to face, heart to heart.

Just a few days before Christmas. She stopped sending messages. At first I just though she had ran out of prepaid.

But there was something that kept bothering me... I couldn't understand what was it, but it made me fell nervous. I tried to call her but she wouldn't answer. Nevertheless, I continued sending messages.

Suddenly one night, just three days before our Lord's birthday. I heard my phone's message tone again... at last!It was from her!

"Oftentyms we say gudbye 2 d 1 we luv w/o wanting 2. Though dat doesn't mean dat we stopped loving dem or we stopped 2 care. Sometyms, GOODBYE is a painful way 2 say I LOVE YOU."

I was dumfounded. I didn't know what to think of. What did she mean? I texted her back, searching for answers, but found nothing. I called her but she would not answer.

For the first time in my life, I felt so miserable...desperate... empty. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to lose her. I had learned to love her. And I wanted to be with her forever.

The following days I felt nothing but emptiness. It seemed that Mikaella took the life out of me. I missed her so much...her messages...The tones that would tell me she'd sent another loving message. Nothing around me could feel the emptiness I felt.

Tut...tut...tut...tut...tut...just a day before Christmas, my cell beeped again. It was her!

"Meet me at d café, 10 AM 2day," I read aloud, making sure the message was true, then I jumped with joy upon hearing from her again. Hurriedly, I got myself ready and I went to the mall. I knew it was still early, but I wanted to be there before she arrived.

I arrived at the meeting place ten minutes earlier. I was surprised to see her already there, smiling at me. She was very beautiful, Black, deep-set eyes that spoke a thousand words; small, kissable lips; a nose perfectly chiseled and long black hair - everything in her was beautiful. And yes, her eyes radiated kindness and love...but there was a flicker of something in them...sadness?

"Hi, Julius," said the angelic voice I had been dreaming of each night. The voice that I had waited to hear for so long. "Please sit down." "I am very pleased to meet you, Mikaella," I said, as I took my seat and gave the roses I brought for her.

"Thanks, Julius," she smiled, obviously pleased with the roses. I knew she loved pink roses.

"You are always welcome, Love" "Julius, I can't stay," she said, sadness in her voice, or was it tears? "I really must go."

"But we just met, Mikaella. Can't we talk a little longer?" I asked, pleadingly.

"I can't really. I just came here to see you and thank you for the time you shared with me. Thank you for everything, Julius. I will never forget you...you will always be here in my heart."

She was looking at me straight into the eyes, and I could really feel the sadness in her voice and I swear, there was something in her voice and I swear, there was something in those lovely yet lonely eyes...

She got up and smiled at me, lovingly.

"Tomorrow morning, please come and visit me," he said and gave me a piece of white linen paper.

I read what was written and when I looked up, she was gone. The following day, Christmas, I woke up early and excitedly readied myself,thinking of her. I hurriedly went to flower shop and bought a dozen pink roses - for Mikaella.

They lived in an exclusive subdivision.

Upon reaching their house, I told the guard who I was and that I was looking for Mikaella.

The guard stared at me, sadness and amazement in his eyes and told me to wait as he called the owner of the house. As I looked at him while he was going inside the house, only then I noticed that the house was brightly lit.

A woman went out and walked towards me, smiling sadly.

"Hi, I'm Maria, Mikaella's mother. Please come inside, Julius." While we were walking towards the mansion, she explained to me why she knew me very well - Mikaella had always been talking about her friend, Julius. I hardly understood what she was saying. I was busy thinking why Mikaella's mother was crying while talking to me.

As we came near the great hall of the house, it dawned on me that there was a wake inside, Maybe, a relative passed away, I thought. But deep in my heart, I was trembling and afraid.

As we entered the hall where so many people were silently mourning while others were praying, shaking, I asked her mother. "Where is Mikaella?"

She held my hand and silently, led me to the coffin which was surrounded by flowers - pink roses, nothing but pinkroses.

No words could explain how I felt when I gazed at the coffin and saw who was lying there. The same beautiful girl I met...

A man came beside me, I knew he was Mika's father.

"We are so glad you came, Julius. Mika talked of you all the time. She even asked that her phone be buried with her.

She said that in that way, you could still send her messages and you would always be with her."

I couldn't believe everything... My mind was in limbo.

"But how can this be? We just saw each other yesterday."

"That can't possibly be. She passed away three days ago. She had been suffering from a heart disease since she was a child," said her father.

"But..." I couldn't find the words to say.

"She told us not to bother reaching you, "her mother said, still in tears," she said you will come, and here you are.

Pain and bitterness overwhelmed me. I cried silently beside her, staring at her lovely face, memorizing every line of my friend's face, a face I knew I would never forget while I was still alive.

After the internment that afternoon, I went to the chapel she had
told me she went everyday.

Sitting there praying and crying to God, I held my phone and typed: "U taught me how 2 care; u taught me how 2 b kind; u shwd me how 2 lyk som; u shwd me how 2 luv; but ders 1 thing didnt teach me & it hurts mor - u didnt teach me how 2 let go. I LOVE YOU"

I sent the message, and though I knew she wouldn't be able to hold her CP again, I knew in my heart she would get my message. I never expected a reply, yet as my phone beeped again,felt a shiver down my spine. The sender's number did not appear on the screen, and tears rolled down my cheeks as I read the message.

"Let go of d hand of d person u love, but dont let go of God's hand. 4 if u hold 2 his hand. He may b holding d person u love n d ader hand 2 let u hold each other again."

"I will never forget you, Mikaella and will never let go..." I vowed to her and to myself as I left the church.

the meaning of love

2009-11-01T23:34:00.000+07:00

My name is MiNa Nam. I'm 19, still very young, but I am dying. Not right now but my life is slowly fading away as I'm writing my story. At this moment I'm sitting at 'our' spot. Mine and Eun Ji Won, the love of my life.

The sun is slowly beginning to set over the lake. I took a glance at my reflection in the water. My outside looks have changed drastically within the past few months, but the water reflected the true me. Inside I'm still the same person.

I have done and given so much for love but never once, have I received it back from Ji Won. There are times that I wanted to tell him everything that I've done for him and make him love me back. But I can't.
Love is not selfish.

So I did what felt right. I keep giving Ji Won my love and I never asked for his love in return. Even though I'll leave this world pretty soon, my love for him will still remain. My story begins when I first met Ji Won six years ago on this one fateful day. It all started out…

Part 2
October 31, 1993

"You better come back here you good for nothing brat!"

I covered my ears with my palms. That was my stepmother calling me. Her voice sounds murderous and I didn't want to face her today. She had slapped and hit me too much already. I'm afraid I can't take it anymore so I hid in my closet.
I peeked through the crack in my closet and saw my stepmom with a really pissed off look on her face. She was holding that stick that I'm always afraid of. I winced thinking about how much it would hurt if she hits me with it again.

I'm just thirteen and whoever said 13 was an unlucky number, they were right. My mom had died when I was just turning ten. Before she died she told me that I was the most beautiful girl in the world and how proud she was to be my mother. She said even though she'll be gone, her love remains with me always.

Tears rolled down my cheeks. 'If you love me mommy, how can you be so selfish to leave me?' So now when I had turn 13 my dad had married Mok Young A, who is my stepmom today. She was a cold-hearted woman who tortured me all day. Any self-esteem I had for myself was shattered and I was living a nightmare.

My closet door suddenly opened.
"There you are you wicked girl!"
My stepmom started cussing at me as she pulled me out and threw me onto the floor. I began to tremble because I knew what was going to happen next.

*Whack whack whack.*
I cried out in pain but I knew that no one is going to hear my cries. I desperately began to gasp for air. My heart was aching again. I couldn't breathe.

"Not again! Don't you see how much you're costing your father and me with your heart problems? If it wasn't for all these medical bills we wouldn't be so poor now!"

I had this heart condition where air would suddenly shut off and I couldn't breathe. The doctors are trying to save me by giving me a respirator and pills, but they're not sure how much longer I'll be able to live. My dad (who was a pathetic excuse for a man) came in.

He looked down at me with sorrowful eyes. He held my stepmom's arm lightly and said, "I think she had enough. You don't want her to have another attack. Calm down and let's have dinner."

"That's why I'm hitting her!" she yelled. "She got detention and stayed after school for an hour. She was supposed to be home to go buy food for dinner and make it. Your daughter is so evil. She wants me to starve or something!"

"I didn't get detention. The teacher wanted to talk to me about-"

But I was cut off by the whack of my stepmom's stick. I cried silently in pain and turned away. I didn't want to look at her.
My dad said, "Well, dinner's just going to be a little late today. Mina, say sorry to your mom."

Despite the pain, I managed to say, "Sorry mom. Please forgive me."

My dad handed me some money. "Here. Go buy food to make mee-yuk-gook tonight." My stepmom's temper simmered down a little as my dad lead her out of my room.

I picked up the money and headed for the store. Mr. Choi, the owner of Choi Food Market, shook his head as I walked in. He knew what kind of hell I was going through. I finished my shopping and checked out.

"That'll be $3.49."

"What?" I asked. "Umm…Mr. Choi. That's impossible. With all this stuff it should be around $15."

"I know Mina." Mr. Choi gave me a sad smile. "The exact price is $14.32. Why don't you keep the change for yourself?"

I opened my mouth in shock. "Mr. Choi…I..I can't do that," I said as I handed him 20.

He only took five. "No. Keep it. I know that stepmom of yours don't give you any money."

I looked up at Mr. Choi with tears in my eyes. Here he was, just a friend reaching out to me. I said thanks and headed for home.

Part 3
I decided to take a shortcut home but as I passed the alley, a hand pulled me in. I was knocked to the ground and a shadow hovered over me. I began to scream but the same hand covered my mouth.

"Shut up or I'll kill you!"

I shut my mouth instantly. I didn't want to die yet. In the moon's reflection I got a good look of my attacker. It was a boy who looked a little bit older than me. His face and clothes were dirty but he had really good features so I could tell he was extremely good-looking. But this was not a time to think about such things.

He held a table knife at my throat and said, "Give me all your money or I'll kill you."

I panicked but I knew what to do. I used the move I wanted to use on my stepmom every time she pinned me down and hit me. I kicked him hard, right into his family jewels. He gasped and fell to the floor, dropping the knife. I picked up my groceries and ran.

I guess you can call me the dumbest person alive. I was afraid I had kicked the boy too hard and permanently damaged him. Besides, since my life is hell already, I didn't want him to go through it too. So I turned back.

When I came back to the alley, the boy was still lying on the floor. He was moaning softly. I lifted him up gently. "Are you okay?" I asked. He shook his head no. "I'm sorry," I said to him. I reached into my pocket and pulled the money Mr. Choi gave me. "If you need money, then here. All I have is ten dollars."

I placed the money in his hand and walked away. He looked at me with this weird expression that I couldn't read. I picked up my groceries and this time I left without turning back. I could tell the boy was watching me as I was walking away…

Part 4
Ji Won stared at the girl who had just walked away.

'She must be the nicest or dumbest person in this world,' he thought.

He began to stand up but had to use the wall for balance. That girl had kicked him a little too hard. Ji Won had just run away from home again. He had run away so many times that the alley was his second home. When he ran away he always stole his parents' money.

They were the richest people in all of Hawaii but they were also the most messed up family. His dad would have a lot of women with him and would betray a friend if it would bring him money.

His mom, on the other hand, was an exact duplicate of his dad. She always had these young men around her and spent money like crazy. His parents were divorced and lived on opposite ends of Hawaii.

'Bitch and bastard,' thought Ji Won.

When he ran away this time, he didn't have the chance to steal any money from his dad. So he had no choice but to rob somebody. When he saw the young girl walking out of the store, she seemed to be the perfect target. But things didn't turn out as planned.

Ji Won kept wondering why the girl gave him the money even though he could have killed her. Ji Won knew he couldn't take the money because she was the first person in his messed up life that was nice to him because she wanted to be, not because she wanted something from him. He wanted to give the money back.

When he gained some of his strength back, he began to chase her…

Part 5
When I came home, I was greeted by the usual words. 'Ugly wretch, wicked girl, freeloader, etc.' but luckily I made it through dinner fine. When dinner ended, my parents went to sleep leaving me with the dishes. I cleaned the table and washed the dishes.
I also took out the trash and then suddenly I felt someone grab me from behind. My attacker turned me around to face him. It was the same boy I met in the alley. I began to panic.
"I gave you all my money already! What more do you want from me?"
He raised a finger to his lips and tried to shush me. I felt one of my attacks coming on. I started to hyperventilate and couldn't breathe. I was beginning to black out.

Ji Won looked at the girl who looked like she was going to die.
"Oh my God! Are you okay?"
This time it was the girl's turn to shake her head no. Then she collapsed in his arms. Ji Won didn't know what to do but he had to save her life. He began to give her mouth to mouth.
"Come on," he whispered to her. "Breathe. Don't die on me."
After a while she began coughing and opened her eyes.

I opened my eyes and saw a blurry object heading towards me. Then I felt something soft pressing against my lips and I felt a gust of air. Then I realized the boy was giving me air. I couldn't believe what was happening. I blushed and gently pushed him away.
"Thank you for saving me. I'm okay now."

The boy turned slightly red. "Uhh…you're welcome. You kinda scared me there."

"Sorry about that. Well, what is it that you want from me?"

"Here." He handed me back the same ten dollars I had given him. I looked up at him.
"No, it's okay. Keep it. I think you need it or you wouldn't have tried to rob me."
He shook his head. "No. I just wanted to borrow it only. I don't take charity. Well, goodbye."

Just as he walked away, I heard his stomach grumble. I bit my tongue so I wouldn't laugh. Since he didn't take charity, I said, "Um, hey. I just made some food and I don't know if it's good or not. I need a guinea pig because I don't want to serve it to my parents if it isn't and besides, you did save my life.

Ji Won looked at her. 'Why is she being so nice to me?' he thought. He knew she was just saying that because she heard him say he doesn't want charity. Ji Won's stomach was growling like crazy. He hasn't eaten for 2 days already and the mention of food was killing him.
"Uh, okay. I guess I'll be your guinea pig since I have nothing to do."
He studied her face as she smiled at him. 'She's pretty,' he thought as he smiled back.

Part 6
I let the boy wait outside as I got some of the leftover mee-yuk-gook for him. He finished it in less than a minute. Then he leaned back and sighed. Out of nowhere, he let out a burp. I had to giggle. He looked at me and smiled.
"Sorry about that."

"It's okay."

I hesitated before I asked him the next question. "Umm…so what's your name?" He glanced at me and then stared at the ground. I could tell he was debating to tell me his real name or not. I didn't want him to feel obligated to telling me his name. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Ji Won looked at her surprised. "No! It isn't that!" he yelled. She stared back at him surprised too. Then he lowered his voice. "I'm sorry. Please don't misunderstand."
She nodded her head slowly and Ji Won can tell that she was confused. Ji Won felt that he could trust her and he wanted her to be his friend.

"My name is Eun Ji Won and you are?"

"Nam Mi-Na, but call me Mina. It's easier to remember."
Then she gave him the sweetest smile. Ji Won felt his heart beat a little faster when she smiled at him. He blushed and looks away.
"So uh, how old are you?"

"13," she replied. "And you Ji Wonee?"

He smiled when she called him that. "I'm 15," he said turning back to look at her.

"15?" I asked in disbelief.

Ji Won nodded.
"Where are your parents oppa? You're too young to be living in the streets."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I can take care of myself." I gave him a doubting look because he was trying to pull that tough guy act on me. "It's okay though," he told me. "I have a family. It's just that things are bad at home so I'm just getting away from it for a while."
'So he ran away,' I figured out.

I could tell that Ji Won was a good person. "Do you have a place to stay tonight?" He shook his head. "How about staying in my room then," I offered.

Ji Won couldn't believe his ears. He stared at Mina. 'Did she just offer him a place to stay?'
"Ji Won?" Mina asked as she waved a hand in front of his face. "Are you okay?"

Ji Won shook his head and snapped out of it. She placed her hand on his knee. "Oppa, I asked if you want to stay in my room for tonight?"
Ji Won was so touched that he felt his heartache. No one had ever cared about him so much but he didn't want to feel as though he owed her. "No thanks."

Mina looked at him with her big sad eyes. "Please oppa? I'm afraid of the dark." Ji Won smiled. He knew she was lying so he would say yes. For the first time in his life, Ji Won felt warm inside because now he is wanted. He let out a sigh.
"Aigo Mina, okay. You talked me into it. But just for tonight though."
She giggled and nodded.

"Okay."

Part 7
Silently, I led Ji Won into my room. My room was small and luckily, it was far away from my parents so they can't hear much. I let Ji Won have the bed while I take the floor. 'Damn,' I thought. 'Why does the floor have to be so cold and hard?'

Ji Won stared down at Mina who was trying to sleep on the cold stone floor. He picked her up easily and lifted her onto the bed.

"Oppa? What are you doing?" I whispered as my eyes grew wide.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

I nodded my head slowly.

"Good," he said. "This bed is small but it'll fit both of us."

My eyes grew wider at what Ji Won had just said. But I had just told him that I trust him. I couldn't take my words back so I had no choice but to sleep with him. We both got in my bed and slept side-by-side. I was so nervous, I couldn't sleep. Ji Won, on the other hand, had no problem. He fell asleep instantly.

I turned my head over to look at him. His face was so innocent like an angel when he was sleeping. Who would have thought he was such a devil when he's awake and moving?

An hour had passed and it was 3' in the morning. I still couldn't sleep. Suddenly something weird happen. Ji Won turned his entire body around and did a 360, kicking me.
"Ow!" I cried out but covered my mouth so my parents wouldn't hear me. When he was done, he had this happy look on his face.

At first I thought he was just playing with me but he really did do a 360 in his sleep. Suddenly he reached over and held me tight. My entire body went tense and rigid. I could feel Ji Won's light breathing on my neck.
I don't know why but now that Ji Won was this close (practically laying on top of me) made me feel better. It's probably cause I've never been this close to a person in a long time. Soon I began to fall asleep too…

Part 8
November 1, 1993

Ji Won opened his eyes and found himself laying partially on Mina's body. He blushed and slowly moved away from her. Then he just lay near her watching her sleep.
Suddenly it caught his eyes. The sleeves and pant legs of her pajamas were lifted up and he got a good look at her arms and legs. Dark purple bruises cover her entire body. There were several scars on her legs and arms too. Red lines run across her legs and it made Ji Won wince because it looked so painful.

He didn't want to disturb Mina but he was really curious. She turned over and Ji Won lifted the back of her shirt. It was even worse than her legs. Ji Won opened his mouth lightly in shock and touched her bare back delicately, fearing that he might hurt her. Mina began to stir.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up. I saw Ji Won looking at me with this sad expression on his face. "What's wrong oppa?" I asked.
"Who did this to you?"
Then he lifted the sleeve of my shirt. I opened my mouth in shock. I tried to hide it but I couldn't believe he saw my bruises.

As I tried to answer him, I heard my stepmom's footsteps heading towards my room. "Oppa!" I yelled, turning back to Ji Won, who was rubbing my bruises. "You have to get out of here! My mom is coming!"
Ji Won looked at me surprised but I opened my window for him to climb out. "Climb down this tree. Goodbye Ji Wonee," I said to him with tears in my eyes.

Ji Won remained silent the whole time as he left her room. But he didn't leave though. He sat on the branch of her tree and looked through her window. He couldn't hear what Mina and her mom were talking about but he saw it.
He saw Mina's mom bring out a small wooden stick and whack Mina with it several times. Ji Won couldn't take it anymore. He busted back into Mina's room.

Part 9
I looked up at my stepmother in pain. "I'm sorry mom. I didn't know we're supposed to have guests today."

She glared at me with cold hatred in her eyes. "Mr. Eun, of the Eun Hotel Empire all over Hawaii, is coming to visit us. Your father might get a promotion if we make a good impression! You're supposed to be awake half an hour ago to prepare all of us tea! Now Mr. Eun is down there expecting tea! What am I supposed to do now huh?"

My stepmom began to breathe rapidly as her anger increased. I saw her raise that stick of hers again. I curled myself up hoping the pain would lessen but I know it wouldn't so I prepared myself for the strike…

Ji Won caught the stick just before it would hit Mina. Mina's mother stared at Ji Won in surprise. Mina opened her eyes and stared at Ji Won in shock. He looked down at her.
"Mina, are you okay?"

"Ji Won!" I screamed. "What are you doing here?"

Ji Won looked back at me. "I came to save you from this evil bitch."

My stepmom twisted her face in hate. "I knew you were trouble all this time Mina. How dare you bring this boy home? Wait until I tell your father about this!" Ji Won grabbed my stepmom's arm to stop her.
"You do that and I'll have you fired!"
I stared at Ji Won dumbfounded. 'What is he talking about?'

"What are you talking about you juvenile delinquent?!" snapped my stepmom.

"I mean," said Ji Won glaring at her. "That you're having tea with my father right now and I'll get you and your husband fired if you hit Mina one more time."
I look at Ji Won surprised. 'Ji Won is the heir of the Eun Hotel Empire? His family is the richest in all of Hawaii!'

My stepmom looked at Ji Won doubtfully. "If you're his son, then how come you're so filthy?"
Ji Won gave her a smirk. "I know you want proof. How about all of us go down there to talk to my dad?"
My stepmom looked at him and thought, 'This is the only way for real evidence. He might get us a promotion.' Then she said, "Come on then, boy. Let's go."

Part 10
All three of us came downstairs together. Ji Won had to help me down because my legs were too weak to support me. Ji Won helped me sit on the couch and he faced the strange man before me. Mr. Eun glared at Ji Won.

"Hi dad," said Ji Won.

"Where the hell have you been Ji Won?" shouted Mr. Eun.

My family just watched them yell at each other. Ji Won shrugged his shoulders. "Around." It made Mr. Eun really mad but he never hits Ji Won. He continued yelling. Ji Won didn't really listen and after a while he cut his dad off.
"Look dad, shut up about it already and we'll talk about it at home."

'Dang,' I thought. 'I could never talk to my parents like that.'
Mr. Eun shuts up. "Okay son, we'll talk about it at home."
Then Ji Won gestured his hand at my entire family. "The Nams were nice enough to let me stay at their house. You owe them dad."
Mr. Eun nodded. "Fine. Joon and Young A, you two just got a raise."

My stepmom got so excited. "Thank you Mr. Eun!"

"Come on Ji Won," said Mr. Eun. "Let's go home and have that talk."
Ji Won brushed his dad's hand ff his shoulder. "Later dad. I'll be home in an hour." His father glared at him. Ji Won glared back. "I said one hour."
Mr. Eun knew Ji Won was stubborn. So he agreed. "Fine then. One hour."

After Mr. Eun left Ji Won talked to my parents. "Listen here," he said as he sat down next to me. "I can get you hired and fired just like that." And he snapped his fingers.

"We know, we know," said my stepmom sweetly, pouring Ji Won some tea.

Ji Won didn't drink it. "All I want is for you two to not touch Mina anymore. If I see another bruise on her, you know the consequences." Ji Won held my hand the entire time he spoke with my parents. I felt a strange warmth going through me and I knew that right then and there I was falling in love with Eun Ji Won.

My dad remained quiet while my stepmother talked. "Of course Ji Won."

Ji Won rolled his eyes. "Okay, and I'll make sure you keep your promise." Then Ji Won turned to face me. "Come on, let's go."

"What?" I asked confused.

"Go to my house with me."

"Go go!" said my stepmom pushing me towards Ji Won. "Have fun kids and stay out as long as you like." I knew my stepmom was really ticked off but she was playing it off pretty well.

Part 11
Ji Won continued holding my hand and never once did he let it go. The walk to his house took us 15 minutes and I was enjoying every minute of it. When we reached his house, Ji Won let out a sigh.

"Mina," he said softly. "Just stay quiet and let me do the talking okay?"
I nodded my head and we entered his house. His house was huge! I felt as though I'm a peasant walking through a castle. He even had a few maids and butlers who attended us.
Ji Won led me to his room. It was nice and clean but there were a lot of holes all around his walls. I sat down on his bed as he went into the bathroom to take a quick shower. When he was done, he came out and sat next to me, holding my hand. I really am in love.

"Ji Won, how come your walls have a lot of holes?"

He shrugged his shoulders and I massaged it for him. As he relaxed, he answered me. "Oh, it's cause I fight with my parents a lot so I take it out on the walls." Judging by the holes, I can tell that he was really angry every time he made one.
"Come on," he said. He lifted me up on his back and gave me a piggyback ride downstairs. He smelled so good now that he's clean and fresh.

His dad was waiting for him in the den. I waited outside while Ji Won came into face his dad. Ji Won came in, uninterested in what his dad had to say. "What is it dad?"

"Ji Won, son…this is getting to be very tiring. Every few weeks you would run away, leaving me and your mother worrying about you."

Ji Won smirked. "Sure you're worried. That's why you're out with those hoes and mom's out with those morons. It's because I'm your only son. You're just scared that when grandpa passes away he won't put our family on the will."

His father got angry. "Well do you want it to end up on your uncle's side?" Ji Won gave his dad a look that showed he didn't care. His dad continued talking. "Since I managed to have a son and my brother have no kids, I have the advantage. Son, listen to me. You know you're my heir. All my wealth will be pass down to you."

Ji Won looked at his dad disgusted. "All you care about is money! You don't care about me!" he yelled as he stormed out of the den. Ji Won slammed the door open and grabbed my hand.
"Come on, let's go."

Part 12
I was confused and didn't know what had happened. Ji Won held my hand and took me to the beach near his house. On the sand there were these 2 huge rocks. Ji Won led me over there. He lifted me up and we sat side by side. We remained silent until Ji Won took a deep breath of the ocean air.

"I love this place, don't you?" he said to me smiling.
I returned his smile and held onto his hand tighter. "Ji Won, what's wrong?" Ji Won avoided my eyes.
"Nothing."
I turned his chin to face me. "Come on, you know you can tell me."
He nodded.

"It's my dad and this stupid feud he has with my uncle. They're fighting over who will get the larger part in my grandpa's will."

"Oh…" I said softly.

"Isn't it stupid?" he asked laughing. "My grandpa's not even dead yet!"

I understood what was bothering him. So I didn't say anything because I know he doesn't want me to worry about it. He threw a rock into the ocean and it skipped three times.
"Perfect," he said.
"Why is it perfect?" I asked.
"Age ain't nothing but a number right?" he asked me, changing the subject. I thought about it for a while and nodded.

"Since I'm older than you by two years, that makes me your oppa," Ji Won said to me.

"Yup," I answered, smiling.

Ji Won smiled back. "I love you…."

I felt my heart my heart filled with a bubble of love but then Ji Won continued talking.."as a dongsang." My bubble bursted. This was not what I had expected him to say.

I stared at Ji Won with wide eyes. I knew it was pretty forward of me but I had to ask. "Y…your….dongsang?" I managed to stutter out. Ji Won looked back at me with his puppyish eyes and smiled. He nodded his head gently. Have I been reading all his signs wrong?

"So what do you say?" he asked. "Want to be my dongsang?" Even though it was breaking my heart, I had no choice but to agree. I nodded.
"Yes, I want to be your dongsang oppa."

"Good," he said.

Ji Won nodded and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small silver knife. I stared at him with wide eyes.
"Ji Won, what are you going to do with that knife?"
He asked, "Do you trust me Mina?"
I nodded my head without hesitation. I trusted Ji Won with my whole heart. He smiled at me. "Good. Lower the back of your shirt." Ji Won pulled the back of my shirt down. Then he used that knife to cut me.
"Ow!" I screamed in pain but he continued anyways. He carved a small 'E' onto my shoulder blade. My back was bleeding and he bandaged it for me.

Then he handed the knife to me. "Here. Engrave your initial 'M' too cuz I don't want to use the same last name as your mom." My hand trembled as I held the knife. I didn't want to hurt Ji Won.
"Go ahead. Don't worry, I can stand the pain."
I engraved an 'M' onto Ji Won's back. I was surprised because he didn't let a tear drop or cry out in pain. I bandaged him and he acted as if nothing had happen. When it was over, he held me close.

I held onto Ji Won tightly as if he was going to leave me. I know he only thinks of me as his little dongsang but it feels nice holding him like this.

As Ji Won held onto Mina, his smiling face instantly turned sad. He wanted to say 'Mina, I love you as a girlfriend' so she would be his forever but he couldn't. He wasn't the type to admit his feelings.
So he figured the scarring was not an engravement of his brotherly love to Mina, but his promised symbol as a soulmate to her forever…

Part 13
Years had pass and I'm still with Ji Won. I didn't think it was possible but I grew more and more in love with Ji Won everyday. We would do a lot of stuff together and we never had any fights. We argue, but it never came to the point where we would get really mad at each other and he usually let me have it my way.

Kang Sung Hoon was Ji Won's other friend and he hangs out with us a lot too. Sung Hoon is a little older than me and is really nice. He has this really cute smile that when he smiles, you can't help but smile back. I called him 'bang geul ee.' His family life also isn't good. His dad is a drunk and his mom had passed away when he was young. So usually it was the three of us together.

My home life is a lot better thanks to Ji Won. My stepmom didn't dare to touch me anymore and it's still the same between me and my dad. We don't talk much. Ji Won's parents like me a lot too. It's because when they tell Ji Won to do something and he wouldn't do it. They would come to me. I'm kind of like their pawn. Life was heaven for me until it completely shattered on day.

It started out with good news but who would have known it would end up in tragedy?

June 15, 1996

My stepmom and dad came home one day from visiting the Euns. "Guess what?" my stepmom told me excitedly.

"What?" I asked calmly.

"The Euns are planning a wedding for you and Ji Won!"

I sat down because my knees gave out. This news hit me with total surprise but I was so happy to hear it because I'm so in love with Ji Won. "Really?" I asked excitedly. "How did this happened?"

"Mr. Eun wanted Ji Won to get married and he figured you're the girl he should marry."

"What did Ji Won say?" I had to ask. I didn't want him to be forced into this.

"Of course he agreed," she answered.

My breathing increased so I took out my respirator. After I calmed down, my stepmom took me into her room and told me all about the arrangements.

Meanwhile back at the Eun mansion…

"Just because you're making this wedding for me and Mina doesn't mean I owe you anything!" Ji Won yelled angrily at his dad.

Mr. Eun grabbed Ji Won by the collar of his shirt. "Ji Won! You listen to me. Once you and Mina get married, your grandpa will give you all of his businesses. Sharing part of it with your dad isn't asking for much is it?"
Ji Won pushed his dad away. He began to laugh. "The only two people grandpa will give the businesses to is me or uncle. He won't give it to you because you'll spend it all on those whores! I bet all your money is gone now."

It was true. Mr. Eun was in serious debt and he needed Ji Won to get married because Ji Won's grandpa was going to give Ji Won his inheritance once he gets married. Ji Won had just turned 18 and his dad had planned the marriage months ahead. His dad got on his knees.
"Please son. Please do it for me."

Ji Won rolled his eyes. "You're so pathetic dad." He sighed. Living with Mina taught him compassion and sympathy for people. "I'll see what I can do dad."
He went into his room. Just then his cellular phone rang. He picked it up, thinking it was Mina. Using his sexy voice, he whispered, "Hi Mina."

A weird high-pitched giggle came from the other end of the line.

"Ooh…"said the voice. "Hi to you too sexy."

Ji Won rolled his eyes. "Oh shut up Sung Hoon."

Using his real voice, Sung Hoon began to laugh out loud. "Gross hyung! That's how you talk to Mina? Ew! It gives me the chills!"

"Hey Sung Hoon," said Ji Won seriously. "Is everything set and ready to go?"

"Yeah hyung," said Sung Hoon.

"Good," said Ji Won, smiling. "Meet me at the docks tonight. From there we can sail to the mainland airport and get away from Hawaii to start a new life in Korea."

"Yeah," said Sung Hoon. "But did you tell Mina about it?"

"No," answered Ji Won, sighing. "I'm afraid she won't leave her family. I'm planning to just kidnap her and take her along. It's easier that way and no hassle."

"Right," said Sung Hoon. "At least the three of us will still be together."

"Yeah," said Ji Won. "Meet you in an hour. Get everything ready. I got our money too."

"Okay," replied Sung Hoon.

"Bye." Ji Won clicked off his phone. Ji Won's dad didn't know it but his grandpa had given him $10 million in advance, along with hotel ownerships in Korea and Hawaii as his wedding gift. He planned to leave his dad $5 million and live off the rest with Mina and Sung Hoon.
He smiled thinking about how he would get away from everything and just be with the one he loved the most, Mina.

Part 14
Back at home I was so excited I couldn't sleep. I know I was still young to be thinking about marriage but I know Ji Won is the only guy for me. I held my teddy bear close as thoughts of Ji Won drifted me to sleep.

It was midnight now. Ji Won snuck out of his house quietly without making a noise. He carried his backpack full of money on his back. He planned to go to Mina's house to grab her and leave. Then it would be just him, Mina, and Sung Hoon leaving together. He was almost to Mina's house when he realized that he was being followed.

It was his uncle's men. They came to get rid of him. Ji Won was smart. He knew the streets too well. He made it through the alley and those men end up losing him. But when Ji Won reached Mina's house, about 10 men had surrounded her house.
They all saw him approaching. Ji Won began to run as they chased him. He made it to the dock. He saw Sung Hoon on the boat.

"Hyung! Hurry! The boat is leaving!"

Ji Won threw his bag onto the boat first and made a high jump. He landed safely onto the boat. His uncle's men couldn't chase him anymore. Ji Won and Sung Hoon started cheering until Ji Won realized what was missing. Mina. He had left her. Ji Won fell to his knees.

"What's wrong?" asked Sung Hoon.

"Mina! We left her! We have to go back!" yelled Ji Won.

Sung Hoon opened his mouth in shock because he just realized it too. Then he shook his head sadly. "We can't. If we go back, we'll just get killed and we'll be putting Mina's life in danger too."
Ji Won moved away from Sung Hoon, knowing that the darkness will cover his face. And for the first time in his life, Ji Won cried.

Part 15
I woke up the next morning with this strange feeling inside me. I don't know why but I find it disturbing. Then I remembered that Ji Won and I are going to get married soon, it subsided.
When I went downstairs, my stepmom was holding that wooden stick I haven't seen in years. I began to panic. She whacked me with it. I fell down surprised.

"Where's Ji Won?" she screamed at me.

I was so confused and surprised I didn't know what she was talking about. She kept hitting me and telling me to answer her. But how can I answer when I don't even know myself? Then something unusual happened. My dad grabbed the stick away from my stepmom.

"Stop hitting her! Can't you tell that she can't think straight through all that pain?"

My stepmom was shocked and she kept her mouth shut because my dad never did that to her before. "Mina," my dad said to me, holding my hand. "Ji Won ran away from home again. He's no longer in Hawaii and the wedding's canceled."

"He left?" I asked blankly.

My dad nodded his head sadly. "How can he leave me?" I asked standing up. My stepmom's next words hit me hard and cold like ice.

"He probably left because he didn't want to marry you."

I sunk to my knees and fell to the floor. I began to sob to myself. My parents left the room, leaving me alone. 'How can you leave me, Ji Won? Were all those promises of taking care of me lies?'
I loved Ji Won so much. All I ever wanted is to be with him, even if he did only consider me as a dongsang. I needed to know why he left. Being with him all this time, I knew where he went.
I'll search all of Korea if I had to…

One year later…

During this year, my life of hell had return. I managed to save up enough money for a ticket to Korea and money to spend. I had to work odd hours so my stepmom wouldn't find out or she'll take the money from me. I also had to sell some of Ji Won's gifts to me.
He was a really generous oppa who would buy me a lot of expensive clothes, jewelry, perfume, and just about anything that I wanted. I figured he wouldn't mind because they're just material possessions. They were a big help because I managed to trade them in for a lot of money.

July 24, 1997

I finally had enough money to leave. It took me a while to go because I knew chances are low of finding Ji Won right away. I needed extra money for my search and I had to pay double for a fake I.D. You could say that I have almost everything planned out. I got a pretty good amount so I planned on leaving today.

It's been a little over a year since Ji Won left me with no reason or explanation. I've gotten so much thinner because I couldn't eat or sleep and I miss him so much. The problem I still had facing me were my parents. I know they were not going to let me leave.
I was only 17. Damn. Still a minor. This year had been total hell for me and I can't stand another year of it. I had to leave and I had a plan. I was going to fake my death.

It was all so perfect. My family had to go out to a luau with Mr. Eun. He still keeps in touch with us. I guess it's because he thinks I might know where Ji Won is. Truth is, I have no idea except I know Ji Won's somewhere in Korea.

I planned to fake a drowning. Because of my heart failure, it helped me close off my air circulation for up to 4 minutes. This time I am using it to let my family think that I have drowned and the tides drifted my body to sea so I will never be found…

But before I go I had to say goodbye to my father. I hugged him hard. He looked at me surprised.

"What was that for?" he asked.

I shook my head. "It wasn't for anything dad. I did it because I love you."

My dad had tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry Mina. I'm so worthless as your father."

"No you're not but you have to do what's right dad. Don't let anyone stop you and stop putting yourself down."

He nodded his head. I hugged him for the last time.
"I'm going for a swim okay?"
He nodded his head and watched me head toward the ocean. The plan went perfect. I stayed underwater for a while and swam myself to the other side of the beach where they couldn't see me.
All my belongings were there. I got on the dock and sailed to the mainland airport leaving Hawaii forever…

Part 16
[Seoul, Korea]

July 26, 1997

Ji Won traced the 'M' scar on his back. 'Damn,' he thought. 'I miss Mina so much.' He sent out one of his men to retrieve news about her and if they could, get her here to him in Korea.
Ji Won had it all. Money and power. The only thing that was missing was Mina. So much had happened to Ji Won as he remembered back.

Ji Won and Sung Hoon made it to Seoul, Korea. With Ji Won's leadership skills and Sung Hoon's smooth talking, they end up getting a lot of businesses and putting others of out business. Money was not enough for Ji Won. He needed power so he created Sechs Kies, where he was the leader and Sung Hoon was his 2nd-in command.
He and Sung Hoon managed to eliminate the group Quiksilver on their own and gained the respect and loyalty of the two members Kim Jae Duc and Lee Jae Jin.
Along the way, they found Ko Ji Yong and Jang Su Won wandering the streets. Ji Yong proved to be a genius and Su Won was handy in finding information.

Ji Won knew they were enough. They had hundreds of men under them but Sechskies were the main leaders with Ji Won as the head. They committed a lot of crimes but no evidence was ever found to convict them.

Just then there was a knock on his door, interrupting his thoughts.

"Come in," said Ji Won.

Jang Su Won came in. "I have news for you, boss," he said.

"Well what is it? What did you find out about Mina?" Ji Won asked.

Sun Won looked down and hesitated to reply. "I'm afraid it's bad news."

Those words made Ji Won panic. "Jang Su Won, you answer me now!" yelled Ji Won with rage.

Ji Won's yell scared Su Won so he blurted it out. "Mina Nam is dead. She drowned while she was swimming in the ocean. Her body has not been found and is still missing."

Ji Won fell back in his seat in shock. 'Mina's dead? No, anyone but Mina,' he thought. Su Won knew it was a good time to leave so he left Ji Won in his office.
"Mina!"
Ji Won screamed out of his window in pain. His cries echoed throughout the city of Seoul.

Part 17
I finally made it to Chejudo, Korea. I didn't know where to look for Ji Won so anywhere was fine. I was never a lucky person. I couldn't find any signs of Ji Won there so I traveled to Inchun City.
My search for Ji Won continued for another year. During that time I had traveled to many cities like Guam, Pusan, etc. It must have been a gift from God because one day my search was over…

November 21, 1998

I had just finish my overtime shift at the Nam Hotel. It was pretty ironic because my whole family spent their lives working for hotels and here is the biggest one in all of Seoul with our family name. I went into the worker's lounge to take a break and pour myself some tea. I sat down and read the headlines.

'Sechskies are to open a conference broadcasting live on Channel 6 today'

I rolled my eyes. Not them again. They were the notorious mafia lead by Matthew Eun. I shuddered. I can't believe the leader has the same last name as my beloved Ji Won.
Actually 6kies was composed of 6 leaders. They committed a lot of crimes and were always challenging the authorities. They had a lot of power and no one could take their pictures without their consent but a lot of people know what they look like. I didn't care. I was too busy looking for Ji Won to notice them.

A worker with me named So Kyung Hee came in. "Hey," she said, patting me lightly on the knee. "On break?" I took a sip and nodded. "Me too," she said smiling.
I smiled back at her. Kyung Hee was actually one of the nicest people at the hotel. Most of them were cold and just worried about how much tips they can get.

Kyung Hee picked up the TV remote and turned to Channel 6. "Hey Mina, there's supposed to be showing 6kies today. Wonder what they look like."
I nodded and watched with her. When the clock struck 9, I felt my heart had stopped and it was not from my heart failure either. I stared at the face that was giving a cocky smile to the camera. Ji Won. Slowly the camera pulled out revealing the other 5 members.

I recognized Sung Hoon. He and Ji Won looked completely different but I still recognized them. Ji Won had his hair dyed completely blonde while Sung Hoon's was streaked. Kyung Hee and I watched them in silence as they began to talk. Ji Won and the others introduced themselves. Then the camera showed directly at Ji Won.

To most people he would look like an evil gang leader but in my eyes he was a beautiful angel. If it was ever possible, Ji Won was even finer than before.

"Mina, are you okay?" asked Kyung Hee, as she waved a hand in front of my face.

"Huh?" I asked looking at her. "Oh, I'm fine. Just listening to what they have to say."

I pointed to Ji Won on the screen. "Who is he?"

"That's Matthew Eun," she answered me.

I stared at Ji Won some more. He had changed his name and so did Sung Hoon. No wonder I couldn't find them.

Kyung Hee caught me staring so she smiled at me. "The leader is cute huh?"

I blushed. "Yeah."

"Too bad in real life he's such a jerk."

"He is not!" I yelled at her.

Kyung Hee scooted her seat back in shock. I apologized right away. "Sorry Kyung Hee, I didn't mean to yell at you."
She had a confused look on her face but she said, "Uh, it's okay Mina."
I pulled a finger to my lips. "Shh…let's listen to what they have to say…"

Ji Won began talking.
"This is Sechkies speaking to all you losers out there watching us. We just want to say that we're open to hire new 'employees'. We usually travel around to our many hotels but you'll find us if you have the right connections. Also a word to the police of Korea. Why are you picking on us?" Ji Won asked sarcastically. "We're good, law-abiding citizens."
Ji Won folded his hands together and gave a little bow. Then all of the Sechskies leaders started laughing.

"Oh my gosh! Look at him!" yelled Kyung Hee and pointed to Sung Hoon on the T.V. screen. "Look at that stupid smile and that perverted laugh. Kekeke…"
Kyung Hee made a poor impression of Sung Hoon's laugh and it made me laugh. 'Geez', I thought. 'Sung Hoon would kill her if he knew she made fun of his trademark smile'.

The show ended a little too soon for me but Ji Won did say he was visiting many hotels and mine is the biggest one. He has to come here. I went back to work and waited for him to come.

Part 18
Ji Won entered the main doors of the Nam Hotel and headed towards the lobby. He let out a sigh. Being in a hotel brought back to him a lot of memories. He remembered how he would take Mina to the hotels to trash it or slide down the long stairway banisters.
But those carefree days are over. His only love had died and he no longer has the heart to love anyone else.

Eversince the news of Mina's death, Ji Won began to develop a passion for anything he thinks is related to her. Things like her hairbrush, the same type of lipgloss she uses, her little respirator, etc. There are times when he had to give her mouth-to-mouth if the respirator wasn't around.
Ji Won smiled remembering that she had told him that he was her first kiss. Mina never went out with any guys so it made him really happy but he also found it very strange. He didn't want to give her any ideas about dating other guys so he never asked.

Ji Won had changed his name to Matthew. It's to symbolize that Ji Won died with Mina and Matthew replaced him. He chose the name Matthew because of Mina's initial 'M' and if anyone asks, the 'M' stands for Matthew.

Sung Hoon wanted to change his name to Ricky but Ji Won wouldn't let him. Ji Won only allowed him to change it if it had the letter 'M' so Sung Hoon ended up changing it to Mickey instead.

"Hey hyung! Over here!" shouted Sung Hoon.

Ji Won looked over at his five friends. He walked over to them and was surprised at what he saw. "What the hell is this?" he asked angrily. Every single one of them had a girl in each arm. "What do you guys think you're

doing?" he asked as he strode over to them.

"Come on hyung," said Jae Duc. "Lighten up."

"Yeah," said Jae Jin. "We worked hard all day and now let's have a little fun."

Ji Won rolled his eyes and then he saw two girls wrap their arms around him. He smiled. "Yeah, I guess."
"Alright!" they all shouted. They like it when Ji Won is in a good mood.

From where I was standing, I felt as though someone had stabbed me with a knife. Ji Won looked so happy with those 2 girls sitting on both sides of his lap. I stared at my reflection in the hotel mirror.
Big, glassy eyes, pale skin, and waist-length black hair. I looked kind of like a ghost. Not much to look at, I thought sighing sadly.
Then I felt a tap on my shoulder and I slowly turned around.

Part 19
"What are you looking at?" asked Kyung Hee.

Whew. I let out a sigh of relief. "They're here," I whispered to her.

"Who?" she asked, looking over my shoulder.

"SechsKies."

"Oh. So you want to go serve them?" I shook my head 'no' quickly. Kyung Hee laughed. "Okay. Don't get so worked up, Mina. I'll do it." She took a waitress pad and headed over to their table. I remained in the corner watching them.

"Hi, my name is Kyung Hee and I'll be your waitress today. May I take your order?"

All the SechsKies members looked up to the pretty, young girl who just approached them. Instantly Sung Hoon made the 2 girls on his lap move. He looked up at Kyung Hee, giving her his best smile.
"I don't know what I want for dinner, but you want to be my dessert?" The other 5 Kies members laughed while Kyung Hee rolled her eyes.
"That's so cute. Must have took you all day to think up that one huh?"

"Ooh," shouted Ji Yong. "This one has a mouth."

Sung Hoon just smiled. "Feisty. I like it."

Then he pinched Kyung Hee's side playfully. She moved away, glaring. "Hey don't touch me!"

"Come on babe. Go out with me. I'll show you a good time."

"Hell no!" Kyung Hee shouted back in his face.

Then Ji Won stood up. "Don't talk to my friend like that," he said in a low threatening voice. "Or else I'll have you fired." Ji Won's glare made Kyung Hee move back a little bit but she answered back anyways.
"You can't fire me! I quit!"

She handed Jae Jin her apron and pad and stomped over to me in the dark corner. "Stupid, lousy jerks," she whispered to me.
"I know," I whispered back, patting her shoulder. Suddenly, I caught Ji Won staring at me. I didn't know what to say or do so I just left.

Part 20
Ji Won stared at the girl who was talking to Kyung Hee. 'She looks like Mina,' he thought. 'But can't be.'

"Hyung," said Sung Hoon. "What are you looking at?"

"Her," said Ji Won, pointing in Kyung Hee's and Mina's direction.

"You like my waitress too?" asked Sung Hoon, pouting.

"No," said Ji Won, shaking his head. "Her friend. Doesn't she look like Mina?"

Sung Hoon glanced at the person Ji Won was pointing to and watched her walk away. "No..." said Sung Hoon slowly. "That girl's hair is much longer and Mina has a nicer body. That chick looks like a stick."

Ji Won cocked an eyebrow at Sung Hoon. "How do you know Mina have a nice body?"
Sung Hoon's eyes widened. "I dunno… just guessing. Ji Yong's calling me. I'll go see what he wants," Sung Hoon said quickly and ran over to Ji Yong right away. Ji Won began to chase the girl who just left.

I heard some footsteps following behind me. I quickly turned a corner and entered my room.

Ji Won ran after her as fast as he could. He saw the girl turn a corner and he continued chasing her. He saw a figure up ahead and he grabbed her by the shoulder. When the girl turned around, she had a surprised expression on her face.

"What do you want?"

Ji Won looked at the strange girl. She looked nothing like Mina. "Wrong person." The girl walked way. Ji Won sighed. 'Maybe it's cause I miss Mina so much that I'm beginning to see her.' He began to walk back to the lobby, disappointedly.

From my hotel room, I was watching Ji Won with the little hole in the door. I saw him pat a girl and then walk away with his head bowed down. I went over and sat down on my bed. I let out a sigh. Ji Won doesn't miss me. He has too many girls with him already. He probably forgot who I am by now.

Tears fell down my face and I didn't even realize it. I quickly wiped them away. I wanted to tell myself that I hate Ji Won but I couldn't because then I'd just be lying. There was only one thing left for me to do.

I stood in front of my bathroom mirror. I can't be with Ji Won as Mina, but I wanted to be by his side to watch over him. I thought about it for a while and remembered they were recruiting new members for Black Kies.
I looked at myself. Hmm…if my hair is short and put into a cap, I wear sunglasses more, darken my skin with make-up, and lower my voice…I can pass for a guy.

So I did it. Within an hour, I had transformed myself into a guy. I checked myself over. As a guy, I didn't look too bad. I smoothed out my new short hair and tucked it into a cap. Guys wear earrings too so I didn't have to worry about my earring holes.
I wore a couple of T-shirts under my flannel and 2 pairs of boxers under my baggy jeans so I would fill out more and wouldn't look so scrawny. I checked my make-up, making sure I was well-covered. I put my sunglasses on.
'Perfect', I thought. Now all I have to do is have to pass the test to join the gang.

Part 21
Ji Won walked down the aisle looking at the 5 new candidates. He nodded his head as he studied them.
"Pretty good," he said to them. "Alright," he clapped his hands for attention. "All of you know how it's done. Jae Jin and Jae Duc will jump each of you in. If you're still standing after 5 minutes, then welcome to SechsKies."

Only 2 of the 5 guys lasted when Jae Jin and Jae Duc were done beating them up. "Okay," said Sung Hoon. The two newest members to join is-"
"Wait!" shouted a voice, interrupting Sung Hoon. Everyone looked over to see who it was.

Ji Won stared at the young boy who was walking towards them. 'What the hell? Damn! This kid looks like Mina!' he thought. 'I must be losing it. How come I keep seeing her today?'
Sung Hoon looked at the new boy curiously. "Yes? What do you want little man?"

I looked at Sung Hoon. 'Gosh, he developed an attitude', I thought. I took a deep breath. This is it. "I want to join SechsKies."
A guy I recognized as Jang Su Won busted out laughing. He placed his hand on top of my head. "You? How old are you boy? 15? 16? And how tall are you now? 5'?"

I moved his hand for him. "No. I'm 18 and I'm not 5', I'm 5'3." That remark made all the other members laugh, except Ji Won. I looked at him curiously and realized he was checking me out.
'Oh no', I thought. 'Please don't recognize me'.

Ji Won held up his hand for the others to stop laughing. "Hey, if he wants a chance, then we'll give it to him."
Then he turned to face me. I felt my heart thumping loud and prayed he couldn't hear it. He placed his hand on my shoulder. Dang, he smells good, I thought as I tried to suppress a smile.

"Look kid," said Ji Won to me. "You have to be jumped in to join. These 2 guys (pointing to Jae Jin and Jae Duc) will kick the crap out of you for 5 minutes. If you're still standing, you're in."

I nodded my head. I knew I had to last because I'm doing it all for Ji Won. I stood there as Jae Duc and Jae Jin began to hit me. Jae Jin threw the first punch and it gave me instant pain. He's even stronger than my stepmom, I thought. Jae Duc kicked me and I was knocked to the ground but I kept pulling myself up.

Ji Won looked at the helpless boy who was struggling to stand up. He doesn't understand why but when he looks at the boy, images of Mina replaced him. Right now in his eyes, it looked like it was Mina being beaten up by Jae Jin and Jae Duc. He couldn't help it.
"Stay down!" he yelled to the boy. Everyone stared at Ji Won. Both Jae Jin and Jae Duc stopped hitting the boy because they were surprised that Ji Won was being nice out of nowhere.

I heard Ji Won yelling for me to stay down. My ears listened but my legs wouldn't. I refused to stay down. No matter how many times they hit me or how hard, I managed to get up. Finally 5 minutes was over and I was still standing.
"Am I in?" I asked in a weak voice. I saw Ji Won staring at me with a surprised expression.
"Yes, you're in." he said patting my shoulder. I smiled and fainted into his arms.

Ji Won held the boy, surprised. He realized the boy had fainted. Usually he would have let go if someone fainted on him, but this time he held on tight.

The other 5 Kies members looked and the 2 new recruits looked at Ji Won with queeried eyes. "Uh, hyung," said Sung Hoon, as he patted Ji Won on the shoulder.
"What?" asked Ji Won, as he continued holding the boy.

"What should we do about the new recruits?"

"Give them instructions and show them to their rooms. We'll have a meeting tomorrow."

"Okay."

They all left but once in a while, they all would glance back looking at Ji Won, who was carrying the boy in the other direction.

Part 22
Slowly I began to regain my consciousness and I woke up. I looked around and realized I was in the biggest room in the Nam Hotel. The Presidential Suite.
"What am I doing in here?" I asked myself. Then suddenly the chair in front of me spun around. Ji Won was sitting in it. I stared at him with wide eyes. I started to panic because I was all alone with him in the room.

Ji Won gave me a sideways glance. "You okay?" he asked. I nodded my head. Ji Won got up out of his seat and walked towards me. He sat down on the bed next to me and looked at me straight in the eyes. "So what's your name?" he asked.
"Mi-" I began but instantly cut myself off. 'Stupid, I thought to myself. You almost said your real name!' I saw Ji Won's eyes grow wide.

"What did you say your name was?"

"Min-Sung," I answered him quickly.

"Oh," he said and backed away from me.

Ji Won stood up and walked towards the window, looking outside. He knew the new recruit was a boy but somewhere inside him wished Min Sung would say his name was Mina. He let out a sigh.
"There's a meeting tomorrow. Be there okay?"

I looked at Ji Won with his back facing me. It had only been 2 years but I felt as though I couldn't read what was going on in his mind anymore. I let out a sigh myself. "Ji Won, where do we meet later tomorrow?"

The call of his real name made Ji Won suddenly look up. He ran over to where Min Sung was sitting and grabbed him by his shoulders. "How do you know my real Korean name? No one knows me by that. Everyone calls me Matthew."

Oh no, I thought. I had completely forgotten that Ji Won had changed his name to Matthew but I thought fast. "I didn't know your name as Ji Won. All I said was, 'Gee, wanna go out later tomorrow?'"
I felt Ji Won's grip on me loosen. He had bought the story. When he was looking, I let out a sigh of relief.

'I'm losing it,' thought Ji Won. "We'll meet in the main dining room tomorrow," Ji Won told Min Sung. He nodded his head and left. Ji Won walked out to the balcony and looked up at the sky.
"I love you Mina, that's why it hurts so much that you're not here."
But the real Mina had left before she could have heard those words.

Part 23
Meanwhile back in the hotel lobby…

After Sung Hoon and the others gave the new recruits instructions and about the meeting, they all went back to their rooms.
"You think there's something wrong with Matthew hyung?" asked Jae Jin.
"Yeah," said Jae Duc. "Did you see the way he held the new guy?"
They began to shudder.

"No, it's nothing," answered Sung Hoon.

"You think maybe Matthew is gay?" asked Ji Yong.

"You're the one who looks gay," said Jae Duc, jokingly.

"Shut up!" yelled Ji Yong as he punched Jae Duc lightly.

The others began to laugh. Then Su Won said, "Could be though. I never saw him 'be' with a girl before."
Sung Hoon lets out a sigh. "Okay, I'll tell you guys the real deal. But don't let this get back to Matthew okay?" They all nodded and leaned forward to hear the story.

"It was like 5 years ago when Matthew hyung met this girl named Nam Mina…."

"She a babe?" asked Jae Duc, interrupting.

Sung Hoon gave him a look. "Yes, Duckie, she's a babe."

"Oh, okay," said Jae Duc. "Continue."

"Anyways, Matthew knew her before he met me. It turns out that she was the first person who ever really cared about him and Matthew fell in love with her. But you know how hyung is. He could never tell anyone exactly what' s on his mind or how he feels. Instead of saying he wants Mina to be his girlfriend, he said he wants her to be his dongsang-"

"That's stupid!" yelled Jae Duc, interrupting Sung Hoon. "Why did he say that for? She's a babe!"

"Sh..!" yelled Jae Jin, Ji Yong, and Su Won at Jae Duc.

Sung Hoon continued. "Well, Matthew ended up having this blood ceremony with her. They scarred each other's back with their initial. It looks like a blood tie but later on I found out it was his symbol of promised love-"

"Ow..that must have hurt," said Jae Duc, as he hugged himself. Jae Jin smacked him on the head for interrupting again.

"I think they knew each other for a year before they met me. At first I thought Mina was cute, but then by the way Matthew acts, I can tell she was off limits. See, Mina had this heart condition where air would suddenly be closed off and she couldn't breathe. The only way to get air in was by this respirator-"

"The one hyung always carry?" asked Jae Duc.

"Yes Duckie," said Sung Hoon, rolling his eyes. "Anyways, it was either that or mouth to mouth. Once when Matthew went collecting shells for Mina, I was walking along the shores with her. One of her attacks came on. I freaked out of course, but I knew what to do. I laid her down and I was about to give her CPR but then Matthew ran the speed of light and knocked me into the ocean and he gave her CPR."
The others started laughing.

"Dang, ain't he a Romeo?" said Jae Duc, laughing.

Sung Hoon smiled. "It's cause he loves Mina and didn't want any other guy touching he. I mean, during school, if any guy talks about wanting to date her, Matthew made sure he didn't. Oh yeah, Matthew hyung hasn't always been Matthew. His real name is Ji Won. The 'M' scar on his back stands for Mina, not Matthew."
The others opened their mouths in shock. They never knew Ji Won had been this much in love before.

"How romantic," whispered Jae Duc.

"Shut up hyung," said Ji Yong. "Quit interrupting!"

"Okay, okay," said Jae Duc, blocking himself from Jae Jin's hand.

Sung Hoon began talking.
"If there are no more interruptions, then I'll continue." He paused for a second and then continued. "The day before Matthew and I made it to Korea, he and Mina were supposed to get married. Matthew didn't like his dad and there was this feud in their family on who gets the grandpa's inheritance. Matthew got it, of course, and he took it all and left Hawaii. He took me and he was planning on taking Mina too. When he went to her house though, his uncle's men were guarding the place and he couldn't take her. He ended up leaving Hawaii without saying goodbye to Mina."
All of them remained silent.

Then Su Won spoke. "Last year hyung sent me out to get some news on Nam Mina. She had died drowning."

Sung Hoon nodded. "Yeah but Matthew and I think she committed suicide. He think it's because Mina can't handle living with her stepmom, who always abuse her. If you ask me, I think Mina committed suicide because Matthew left her without any reason. I think hyung thinks that too but he won't say it. I think he blames himself for her death and since then he hasn't been the same. He used to be nicer and not this touchy. Also that's why he's never been with another girl. I mean, we see him flirt with other girls but none of us actually see him 'be' with another girl right?"

The others nodded in agreement. Sung Hoon continued. "About this new boy today. I think Matthew is losing it. He probably thinks when he sees the boy he is see-"
Sung Hoon stopped talking as he looked up. He finished his sentence with a "-See you later!" and he ran off.

Part 24
The others looked up surprised. Jae Jin smacked Jae Duc on his head.
"What?" asked Jae Duc. "I didn't interrupt!"
"It's not Duckie's fault," said Ji Yong. "Look." Ji Yong pointed to where Sung Hoon ran off too.

"Aigo," said Jae Jin. "It's that same waitress babe."

"See?" said Jae Duc. "It's cause of a girl, not me. You hit me by mistake."

"No, it's not a mistake. I still wanna smack your head cause it makes this cool hollow sound," replied Jae Jin as he smacked Jae Duc on his head again.

"So, wanna go out sometime?" Sung Hoon asked Kyung Hee, leaning near her. She rolled her eyes at him.

She answered flatly, "No" and began to leave.

Sung Hoon held onto her arm. "Come on babe. X-mas is next month and don't be a scrooge."

Then suddenly, Kyung Hee gave him a seductive smile. "I guess. How about we go out on November 31st then?"

Sung Hoon gave her a sexy smile back. "It's a date then," he answered, letting her go. The other 4 walked up to him.

"How'd it go Mickey?" asked Su Won.

"Hey, hey, what can I say?" answered Sung Hoon cockily. "I'm the man!"

Jae Jin gave him a high-five.

"Alright!" yelled Jae Duc. "When you 2 going out?"

"November 31st," answered Sung Hoon.

"Uh, Mickey," said Ji Yong.

"Sup Ji Yong?" said Sung Hoon.

"November doesn't have a 31st."

"What?" asked Sung Hoon, surprised. He looked at the calendar. November ended on the 30th. He looked around but Kyung Hee had already left. He started cursing while the others tried to hold back their laughter.

November 23, 1998

"This meeting of SechsKies is now in session," announced Ji Won to the main members of the group, along with the new recruits. His voice got their attention and they quickly focused their attention on Ji Won.
Ji Won looked to see if Min Sung was there. He was. Ji Won gave a little smile to him. He didn't know why but when he looks at Min Sung his mind would replace Min Sung's face with Mina's.

"So any new business?" he asked the members.

"Yes," answered Jae Jin. "The Black Dragons have killed some of our members and took away some of our businesses."

"Damn it!" yelled Ji Won as he pounded his fist on the table. "We'll just have to see that this Black Dragon matter will be solved. Mickey you, Ji Yong, Su Won, and the 2 new recruits deal with the businesses. Jae Jin, Jae Duc, and Min Sung will come with me." Everyone looked at Ji Won strangely.

Sung Hoon began to speak. "Uh, hyung. You want to take Min Sung along?"

Ji Won glared at him. "Yeah. Anyone here have any objections?" No one answered. "Meeting adjourned," announced Ji Won and everyone went to work.

Part 25
I followed the Black Kies to a dark alley. I was surprised Ji Won wanted to take me along, considering I was one of the weakest members. I thought I would get to work with the White Kies in businesses.

"Hey kid," said Jae Duc to me.

"What is it?"

He handed me a gun. "Use this to protect yourself."

My eyes widened as I held the cold metal. 'Please don't let me use it', I prayed silently.

Ji Won walked over to Min Sung. "Okay, the coleaders of Black Dragons are meeting around here. You'll recognize them by the dragon tattoos on their arms. If you see them, just shoot them as they come out."

"But Matthew hyung, I-" but my words were cut off the sound of gunshots.

POW

"Get down!" yelled Ji Won as he covered me. Then he started firing. I covered my ears and watched Ji Won in disbelief. He had shot 4 people and killed 3. Ji Won stood up smiling.
I couldn't believe it. I was in love with a cold-blooded killer. Jae Jin and Jae Duc killed some other members and Ji Won told them to kill every single Black Dragon member.

One Black Dragon member lay hurt on the ground. Ji Won pulled him up by the collar of his shirt and pointed a gun to his head. "Tell me who's your leader punk or else I'll blow your brains out."

The young boy was whimpering. I felt sorry for him. "Please don't kill me. My leader is Eun Tae Won."
"Who the hell is that?" asked Ji Won angrily. "What the hell does he have against me?"
"He's the godson of Mr. Eun, who's one of the heirs of the Eun Hotel Empire and he came to get the inheritance back from you."

I listened to what the boy was saying. I never knew that Ji Won's uncle had a godson. From what I had heard, Ji Won's uncle had passed away 2 months ago and he had an heir. 'The heir is the leader of Black Dragon', I figured out.

"That bastard," said Ji Won. "He's dead and he still has someone after me." When Ji Won wasn't looking, the Black Dragon boy had pulled out a knife, ready to stab Ji Won.
I didn't have time to think so I reacted instantly. I shot the boy. He fell back in pain but managed to get up and run away.

Ji Won looked at me surprised. He gave me a smile. "Good job, Min Sung," he said walking over to me and patted me on the back. I was appalled at what I had done. I couldn't answer him so I just handed him back the gun.

Just then Jae Jin and Jae Duc came back to us. "Got them all hyung," said Jae Jin smiling as he did fancy handwork with his gun.

"Good," said Ji Won. "Min Sung here just saved my life. I knew it was a good idea to bring him along."

"Really?" asked Jae Duc. "Nice work kid." Then he punched me lightly on the shoulder.

When we made it back to the hotel, I ran into my room using my respirator and swallowed a pill. Afterwards, I took a shower. I felt so dirty because what I had done. I knew this was going to be only one of the many dirty work I would have to do to stay with Ji Won.

Part 26
A few months later…

During this time, since I saved Ji Won's life, he began to trust me more and confided in me with everything. I was like his new best friend. SechsKies continued traveling to many places and recruited new members.
More war between SechsKies and Black Dragons broke out. Many businesses were shut down and more members were killed from both sides. All the blood shed and fighting was getting to me but I held on. All the members of SechsKies accepted me but sometimes I overhear them whisper that I'm gay. I didn't care as long as I had Ji Won.

April 30, 1999

Finally, after many days of hard work, SechsKies finally got a day of rest. The leaders always hang out together but Ji Won always included me. We were at this fancy restaurant and were all having a good time. Jae Duc was telling us funny jokes. He stopped in the middle of a joke as he saw the Black Dragon leaders enter the restaurant.

Tension was felt by everyone. The Black Dragons sat down across from us. Ji Won and Tae Won were giving each other glares.
Underneath the tables, we pulled out our guns. I knew the Black Dragons were doing the same. We didn't know which side fired the first shot but before we knew it, bullets were flying everywhere.

Ji Won covered me as we ran out of the restaurant safely. We met up with the other 5 Kies in a dark alley. The Black Dragons were still chasing us.

"Damn it hyung! What should we do?" asked Jae Jin.

"Kill them all!" shouted Ji Won.

"There are too many," Ji Yong shouted back. "Let's just hide out in this motel." We all ran and hid in this cheap motel's restaurant. The Black Dragons lost us and continued searching.

"I don't believe this!" said Ji Won furiously. "I, Matthew Eun, of SechsKies have to hide down here in this cockroach motel like I'm a dog or something!"

"Calm down," I said to him gently, patting his back. "It's not so bad."

"Yeah hyung," said Sung Hoon. "It's only for one night. Besides, we'll make them pay for this."

All of us looked around. There was only one bed. I could tell none of us wanted the floor because it was disgusting and reeked of something. "I ain't taking the floor!" all of us shouted in unison.

"There's only one bed though," said Su Won.

"Look on the bright side," said Jae Duc as he laid out the sheets on the bed. "At least it's king size."

I nodded my head. "It'll be tight but we'll all have to try and fit in."

Soon it was Jae Jin, Jae Duc, Ji Won, me, Sung Hoon, Ji Yong, and Su Won lying down side by side uncomfortably on the bed. We were laying down one by one and the others looked at me strangely as I ran to be the next person who lie near Ji Won.

Soon everyone fell asleep except me. I made sure everyone was asleep before I made my move. I bent over to kiss Ji Won lightly on the lips. Then I laid my head down on his chest to hear his heart beat. I sighed contentedly.

Then suddenly I felt Ji Won's leg twitch. Oh no. I knew what he was about to do. His 360. I placed my entire body on top of his because I didn't want to get kicked.
As Ji Won did his 360, he kicked everyone except me off the bed. As always when Ji Won was done, he had a huge smile on his face. Then he held onto me tightly. I was overwhelmed with happiness.

The others must have been exhausted because none of them woke up except Jae Duc. He opened his eyes sleepily and said, "Huh?"
"You're dreaming," I whispered to him. He nodded his head and went back to sleep. Soon I drifted off to sleep too.

Part 27
Next Morning…

May 1, 1999

Ji Won began to stir. He woke up finding Min Sung holding onto him tightly. Ji Won widened his eyes and gently unraveled Min Sung's arms and legs off of him.
The guys already called Min Sung gay and he didn't want them to think he's gay too. He sat up and saw 5 of the SechsKies leaders lying on the floor.

Then Sung Hoon began to wake up. He sat up and looked around. "Gross! How the hell did I end up down here?" Ji Won shrugged his shoulders.
Then Jae Duc woke up. "Damn, my butt hurts. It feels like someone kicked it last night." Then one by one everyone woke up.
"P.U.!," yelled Jae Jin. "This floor stinks!" Everyone started laughing.

"Sorry you guys," said Ji Won laughing. "I must have done a 360 and kicked you all off."

"How come you didn't fall off Min Sung?" asked Ji Yong.

Uh, oh, I thought. "I did," I answered him. "But I got back up and went to sleep on the bed again."

"Really?" asked Su Won. "I didn't even know. I just went right on sleeping."

Ji Won began to study Min Sung. It was weird but somehow Ji Won had a feeling that Min Sung knew he does a 360 in his sleep. 'But that's impossible,' he thought to himself. 'Only Mina knows that and why didn't Min Sung say anything about me kicking him?' Ji Won didn't know what was going on with Min Sung but he knew he had to find out.

We all got up and ready to leave the room. The coast seemed clear so we walked out unarmed. Big mistake. There was an ambush waiting for us.
"Disperse!" yelled Ji Won and we all ran our separate ways.
Black Dragons chased after each one of us. I lost the Black Dragon member that was chasing me but I didn't want to go back the hotel room without Ji Won so I turned back to get him.

When I found Ji Won, he was backed up against the wall by a Black Dragon. It was the leader, Tae Won. He was telling Ji Won to bow down and beg for mercy but Ji Won ended up spitting in his face. Tae Won got angry and pulled the knife back to stab Ji Won in his throat.
I ran as fast as I could and knocked Tae Won down. He dropped the knife and fell to the floor with me. As he fell, he used the handled of the knife to knock Ji Won unconscious. Tae Won got up glaring at me.

"Do you know whom you're messing with?" he asked me angrily.

I glared at him back unflinching. "I'll make you pay for hurting Ji Won."

"Oh you must be the gay SechsKies member I've heard so much about," said Tae Won laughing. "You're afraid your faggot leader would die leaving you alone?"

That made me really angry. I didn't care that he called me gay but calling Ji Won a faggot ticked me off. Since he was distracted, I grabbed the hand he was holding the sword with, and made him stab himself. He cried out in shock and pain. He pulled knife out of him.
Tae Won pushed me away and cuts me in the knee with his knife. I fell down and saw him raise the knife above my head. I was going to die.

Then suddenly a voice screamed out, "Gang Rape!"

It made Tae Won run off. I looked over to see who it was. It was Kyung Hee screaming for the cops. I saw her looking at me sighing and walked away.

"Kyung Hee!" I screamed for her.

Kyung Hee looked at me strangely as she approached me. "Do I know you?"

I nodded my head and motioned for her to come near me. When she did, I whispered in her ear, "It's me, Mina."

"Mina? But you're a guy!" she yelled back at me.

"Look at me closely."

When she did, her eyes widened as she grabbed a hold of me. "Mina, it is you!" I turned her back to face me. "Please help me bring Ji Won back to the hotel." Kyung Hee made a face of disgust.

"What are you doing with the SechsKies leader and why are you dressed like a guy?"

"I'll explain later," I told her. We both put Ji Won's arms around us as we carried him back. Along the way we found Sung Hoon unconscious on the ground, bleeding. I set Ji Won down gently and lifted Sung Hoon up.
"Sung Hoon!" I said, shaking him. He was hurt badly. "Kyung Hee, please do me a favor. You carry Sung Hoon while I carry Ji Won."

Kyung Hee looked at me reluctantly but then nodded. I lifted Ji Won onto my back and carried him back to the Nam Hotel. My leg was still bleeding from the cut and I was limping.
"Mina, can you carry him?" Kyung Hee asked me, concerned.
"I'll be fine," I answered her as we made it back.

Part 28
I took Ji Won back to his room while Kyung Hee took Sung Hoon back to his. I washed Ji Won's cuts and nursed his wounds. When he was bandaged, I sat down on the chair next to his bed.

Then suddenly, I couldn't breathe. One of my attacks is coming on and I didn't have my respirator with me. My heart was aching so painfully that I was gasping in pain. But then I remembered Ji Won had a respirator. I searched his pockets and sure enough, there it was. I started pumping it quickly and air entered my lungs.

My vision cleared and I began to breathe easier. Then I put it back into his pocket. My touch made Ji Won stir. He began to wake up. He looked at me.

"Min Sung?" he asked weakly.

I nodded my head. "Yes, it's me hyung."

Ji Won lifted himself up. "Where am I?"

"We're back at our hotel."

"Oh," Ji Won said as he looked at my leg. "What happened to your knee?"

I looked down at it. It was bleeding through my pants. "It's nothing hyung. I'll be okay in a few days."

"Did Tae Won do this to you?"

I nodded my head.

Ji Won pounded his fist on his desk. "Damn him! I'll get him back."

"It's okay hyung," I said calming him down.

"By the way," he asked me suddenly, "how did you end up finding me? Weren't you supposed to come back here by yourself?"

His question hit me by surprise. I answered him truthfully. "I came back to look for you because I was worried you might be in danger." I saw Ji Won look at me awkwardly and inched himself away from me. 'He thinks I'm gay', I thought.

"Uh, thanks for coming back to save me then," Ji Won said to Min Sung awkwardly. Min Sung nodded and left his room. Ji Won lets out a sigh. He loved Min Sung as a friend and definitely nothing more. He didn't want Min Sung to have any thoughts.

Instinctively Ji Won reached into his pocket to check to see if his respirator was still there. It was but it was different. Ji Won stared at it with wide eyes. His once filled respirator was now only half full with air.
Someone had been using it.

Part 29
Later that evening Ji Won posted a note on my door telling me to meet him. It was 8 p.m. and I knocked the door to his room.
"Come in," said Ji Won. I entered his room, not knowing what he was going to say. "Follow me," he ordered. He left the room and I followed him.

He took me to the beach that was near our hotel. Then he walked over to a spot where there were two rocks side by side. I caught my breath. This looks exactly like our spot in Hawaii, I thought.
"Come here and sit next to me, Min Sung," said Ji Won to me, patting the rock next to him. I sat down near him and closed my eyes as I breathed in the salty sea air.

Ji Won began to study Min Sung. 'He looks like Mina in a way,' he thought. 'Could he be Mina in another form?' Ji Won didn't believe in reincarnation but Min Sung was too much like Mina for him. He wanted to see if somehow Min Sung was Mina so he had to test him.
"Min Sung, you want to hear a story?"

"Sure," said Min Sung eagerly.

Ji Won smiled as he told his story. "There once was this rich boy who came from a messed up family. He had no friends at all. Then one day he met this little girl who became his friend. She was really nice to him, unlike his family, so he began to adopt her as his dongsang." Ji Won paused right there to see Min Sung's reaction.

My smile faded when Ji Won began his story. He was talking about our life in Hawaii. Then I figured out he was testing me. 'The respirator', I thought. 'I must have drained it when I was using it so now he suspects me'. I steadied myself and tried my best to give no reaction.

Ji Won stared at Min Sung, who appeared to have no reaction to the story. "Well what do you think?" Ji Won asked him.
"That's a cute story, hyung," he said, shrugging his shoulders.
Ji Won continued. "Do you know why he took extra care of his dongsang?" Min Sung shook his head no. "It's because she has this heart problem and needed this respirator to breathe." He took out the respirator from his pocket and showed it to Min Sung. Again, no reaction.

"Poor girl," said Min Sung.

"Yes, poor girl," said Ji Won sadly. "She died a few years later."

I looked at Ji Won sadly. I knew Ji Won felt bad because of my death but since I'm no one special to him, it wouldn't matter if he knew the truth that Mina was still alive and with him right now. Then Ji Won took out a stone and handed me one. I rubbed the white marble stone for a while.
"Throw it," he told me. I shook my head no. To me it was like a present so I didn't throw it but just kept it in my pocket. Ji Won threw his into the ocean. It skipped 3 times.

"Perfect," he said.

"Why is it perfect?" I asked him.

This time I wished he would tell me the significance of the 3-skip. "When the stone skips 3 times, it means 3 words. I love you." I looked at Ji Won in an overwhelming joy. Did Ji Won love me? He had thrown the rock and it skipped 3 times many times before.
"So did the rich boy ever really loved his dongsang?" I asked Ji Won.
Ji Won looked at me. "Of course he does. He has a lot of brotherly love for her."
"Oh," I whispered softly. My heart began to ache.

As Ji Won continued staring at the ocean, I began to walk home with a heavy heart. Ji Won began to shake his head. 'Mina's dead already so why am I denying that I love her?' he thought to himself as he stared out to the ocean.
"Actually, Min Sung, the rich boy loved his dongsang the first day he met her but he's such a weak person. He never could admit his feelings for her and just waited for her to say that she loves him first."

Ji Won turned around and saw that Min Sung had left. 'Oh well,' he thought as he headed back to the hotel.

Part 30
*Since some of you wanted to hear more about Sung Hoon and Kyung Hee, this chapter is a little side story.

Sung Hoon woke up aching. He realized he was back at the Nam Hotel and in his room. "How did I make it back here?" he asked himself. Then he realized he was wearing nothing but his boxers. His bathroom door suddenly opened and out came Kyung Hee. "Hey!" he shouted as he pulled a blanket over to cover himself.

Kyung Hee rolled her eyes. "It's too late for that. I've seen it all already," she told him as she yanked the blanket away.

Sung Hoon crossed his arms over his chest. "So you took advantage of me in my weak state?"

"So what if I did?" she snapped at him.

"That means you have to marry me and support me while I give birth to your child." Kyung Hee couldn't help but laugh.

Sung Hoon smiled at her. 'I guess he isn't so bad,' she thought. "You know," said Sung Hoon quietly. "You didn't have to diss me like that when you said you'll go out with me." Kyung Hee looked at him.

"I had to! You were such an arrogant jerk and you wouldn't leave me alone."

"Maybe it's because I like you too much to leave you alone," he replied back.

Kyung Hee blushed a little and decided to change the subject. "Give me your arm," she said to him. Sung Hoon's right arm was bleeding and Kyung Hee began to wash the cut.

"Ow!" he yelled in pain, pulling his arm back. "That hurts."

"Does it?" Kyung Hee asked him, concerned. "I'm sorry."

She leaned over to blow on his cut. Sung Hoon stared at her the entire time. He felt warm and shy being around her. He never felt this way for a girl before. She was nice to him and not dissing him like she usually does. He really liked that feeling. Kyung Hee gently placed his arm into a cast.

"There," she said. "All better."

"You know," said Sung Hoon softly. "Everyone says kisses make boo-boos feel better and go away."

When Kyung Hee was nursing Sung Hoon, she developed a liking for him and his nice body was a good addition. "Really?" she asked skeptically. "I don't believe you."

"Why don't you test it out then?" he challenged her smiling.

"Maybe I will," she said, flirting back. "Where does it hurt?"

Sung Hoon pointed to his knee. Kyung Hee kissed it. Then he pointed to his hand. She kissed it too. Slowly he pointed to his forehead, which she also kissed. He worked his way down to his nose. Kyung Hee couldn't help but laugh as she kissed his nose lightly. Sung Hoon's nose was broken.

Then he pointed to his lips. Kyung Hee was about to kiss it lightly but then Sung Hoon held onto her tightly to deepen the kiss. Kyung Hee felt drawn to him so she didn't push him away. He turned her over so she lie down on his bed, with him on top of her.
His hand went under the back of her shirt and he stopped there. Kyung Hee continued kissing him and ran her fingers through his hair. Since she wasn't stopping him, he was about to continue when…

*knock knock*

'I'm going to kill that person,' thought Sung Hoon as he broke off the kiss. "Yeah? What is it?" he yelled.

"Matthew wants all of us to go down to the dining room for a meeting," said Ji Yong.

"Okay, I'll be there in 5 minutes!" Sung Hoon yelled back. When he heard footsteps of Ji Yong leaving, he kissed Kyung Hee once more. "Sorry honey, I have to go but I'll be right back." Kyung Hee nodded and helped him into his clothes.

Part 31
"Order SechsKies!" yelled Ji Won.

"Ooh, ooh," said Jae Duc. "I want some kimbab!"

Ji Won glared at him. Jae Duc shuts up. "Now I want to talk to all of you about Min Sung. He's only been here for a few months but he had saved my life twice and not to mention, Sung Hoon's." Sung Hoon slapped Min Sung on the back and smiled.

"Now," continued Ji Won. "What do you want Min Sung? A car, money, women? Tell us and it's yours."

"Yeah," said Sung Hoon. "Just name it buddy and it's yours."

I thought about it for a while. The only thing I wanted was Ji Won but I couldn't say that. Since he was suspecting me so much there was only one thing I should ask for. "I want a woman," I told them. They all opened their mouths in shock.

"Alright Min Sung, you dog!" yelled Sung Hoon, breaking the silence. "At least you're proving to us that you're a man now!"

"Okay," said Ji Won slowly. "Who's the girl?"

"So Kyung Hee," I announced.

I saw Sung Hoon's smiling face turn mad.

"Who do you want?" Sung Hoon asked me in disbelief.

I repeated myself. "So Kyung Hee."

Sung Hoon grabbed me by the collar of my shirt. "Out of all the girls you could have picked, why her?" he yelled at me. I knew Sung Hoon liked Kyung Hee but Kyung Hee was the only person that could help me.
"I happen to like her too," I answered him. "Besides, you all said I can have anything I want, and I want Kyung Hee."

"He's right," said Ji Won softly. "We can't go back on our words." Ji Won clapped his hands for attention. "So Kyung Hee now belongs to Ahn Min Sung. Anyone from SechsKies who touches her, the penalty is death."

Su Won and Ji Yong had to hold Sung Hoon back from attacking me. "I thought you were my friend!" he yelled as they took him away. I sighed and headed for my room.

Ji Won looked at Min Sung as he was walking away. "Min Sung."

"Yes hyung?"

"Are you sure that's what you want?"

"Yes hyung. I've never been more sure in my life." Then Min Sung left.

When I made it back into my room, Kyung Hee was in there waiting for me. "What the hell is going on?" she asked me. I knew it was time to tell her my story. When I finished, she was bawling like a baby. I handed her a tissue.

"Th..that is s..so..romantic," Kyung Hee said, sobbing.

I patted her head as she leaned on me. "No, it's not."

"So you're not going to tell Ji Won who you really are?"

I shook my head. "It wouldn't matter anyways."

"How do you know? If he knows you're still alive, who knows? He might fall in love with you."

"Maybe," I began slowly. "But then he'd love me out of pity and not out of love. I don't want that."

"Oh." Kyung Hee stared at the floor. "I wonder if Mickey really likes me."

"What?!" I asked in surprise.

She looked at me sheepishly. "Oh, I forgot to tell you that Mickey and I are beginning to fall for each other."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't have a chance to. Besides, it just happened."

"I'm sorry Kyung Hee."

"It's okay," she said as she hugged me. "We'll just have to put our little romance on hold for a while. You're more important."

"No, I'll go tell-"

My words were cut off by my lack of air. This time my attack was worser than it ever had been before. Kyung Hee stared at me frightened.
"Mina! What's happening?"
"C..can't breathe…" I managed to say. She lifted me up.

"Come on, I'll take you to the hospital."

"Don't let the others see me," I said to her before I collapsed into total darkness.

Part 32
Slowly I began to open my eyes. I closed them instantly because the light reflecting me was so bright. 'Am I on the other side?' I wondered. I managed to squint my eyes open.
I found myself strapped to a pulse racer machine and an IV fluid was hooked up to me. I started to look around my room. I was in a hospital and I saw that my door was open slightly ajar. Then I heard 2 voices talking and I began to eavesdrop.

"It's a miracle that she's still alive," said the doctor.

"Is she going to be okay?" Kyung Hee asked him.

"Well, according to these test results, her heart will expire any time now. We need to get her a heart transplant soon because she's past overdue for 2 years already. I made some calls and there is a matching donor for her in England."

"I'll have to talk to her about it."

"Please do," said the doctor. "It's her only hope of living."

Kyung Hee slowly entered my room. She stared at me with wide eyes. "You heard everything Mina?"
I nodded my head weakly and took the air respirator off my mouth. "You can tell him to forget about it. I'm not going to England for a couple of months to get surgery."

Kyung Hee ran over and shook me. "Mina, are you crazy? You have to or you'll die."

"No," I told her stubbornly. "It was so hard for me to find Ji Won and I won't let go of him just like that."

Kyung Hee began to cry. "I don't want you to die though."

I looked at her sadly. "You're a good friend Kyung Hee. I know you'll be the perfect girl for Sung Hoon." I yanked the IV tube off my arm. "Come on. Let's go home."

A little over a month later….

My heart condition began to grow worse. My attacks became more frequently and undetected. It would happen during odd times like when I'm showering or having dinner with the SechsKies guys. Luckily Kyung Hee was always there by my side to cover for me.
Sung Hoon hated me. I can tell by the way he acts. He probably thinks that Kyung Hee really likes Ahn Min Sung (that's me). What he doesn't know is Kyung Hee truly does love him and it breaks her heart seeing him go out with other girls. I think he's doing that to make her jealous.

As for Ji Won, he began to grow distant towards me. He wouldn't talk to me much and he's been depressed about something lately. I wish I could know what was bothering him because it hurts me to see him sad like that.
Secrets are definitely hard to keep. Especially ones that you have to cover everyday. I should have known that my disguise and heart attacks would be exposed soon but it just came to me unexpectedly…

Part 33
June 15, 1999

Ji Won was in his depressed state again. There was this empty void inside him that he couldn't erase. It was a recurring pain that never seemed to end. He felt lonely.
Whenever he sees Min Sung and Kyung Hee together, it disturbs him. He could't figure out what it was but he kept finding something wrong with the picture. Then a knock came on his door.
"Come in," he said, without bothering to see who it was.

I entered Ji Won's room holding a tray of food. Now these days since he was in his isolated stage, he didn't eat much anymore. I was beginning to worry. I didn't have much time left with him so I wanted to take care of him the best I could with the time I still had left.
"Hyung? Are you hungry? I brought you some food."

Ji Won turned around to see who it was. It was Min Sung. "Just put it down." Min Sung placed it down before Ji Won. Ramyun, mee-yuk-gook, rice, and curry. 'How does he know I like these food?' Ji Won thought. "Take it away I don't want it."

"But hyung, you haven't eaten for days. Please eat a little bit."

"I said take it away!" Ji Won yelled, his anger exploding. He knocked over the tray of food. It ended up spilling all over Min Sung. Ji Won and Min Sung stared at each other. Neither of them knew what to say. Min Sung leaned over to clean up the spilled food and then left.
Ji Won fell back in his chair. He ran his hands through his hair frustrated. Min Sung was too much like Mina that it was driving him crazy. Ji Won knew he was out of line though, so he began to walk to Min Sung's room to apologize.

'What a mess', I thought as I stripped out of my clothes. I soaked myself into a hot water bath, hoping it could wash away all my troubles. When I was done with my bath, I wrapped myself up in a towel and got out of the tub. Then I heard my room door open and then close.
'Must be Kyung Hee', I thought as I began to put my clothes on.

Ji Won entered Min Sung's room, not knowing what to say. He wasn't good at apologizing. He looked around and didn't see Min Sung anywhere. Then he heard the sound of water draining. He figured Min Sung must be in the bathroom.
Ji Won opened the door slightly and saw Min Sung's bare back. He shuts the door quietly and began to leave. He planned to apologize later but then his mind began to sort out what he had just seen. Min Sung's back had an 'E' on it. Ji Won breaks the open the door to the bathroom.

I was buttoning up my long sleeve shirt when my door suddenly opened. I stared at Ji Won in shock but then remembered I wasn't completely dressed yet. I buttoned up the remaining buttons and then faced him.
"Hyung!" I said surprised. "What are you doing here?" I caught Ji Won looking down at my shirt. I had buttoned it all wrong and a great deal of my body was showing. Oh hell, I thought. "Hyung, I can explain-" I began to tell him but I never had a chance to.

Ji Won stared at Min Sung's exposed body. Without thinking, he ripped open Min Sung's shirt finding that Min Sung was indeed a woman. Min Sung stood still, stunned at what Ji Won had just did. He turned Min Sung's back to him. There it was. His 'E.'
"M...Mina?" he asked uncertainly, afraid to hope.

I didn't know what I was more embarrassed from. Letting Ji Won expose me or being caught. In all my life I had never been angry at Ji Won but I didn't know why I reacted impulsively. As I held my shirt together, I slapped Ji Won across the face hard with my other hand. His head snapped to the side. He held his cheeks as he turned to face me.
"How could you do this to me Ji Won?" I asked him screaming. "Get out! Get out!" I started to push him out the door.

Ji Won was in shock. Mina, he thought. He grabbed her arms as she pushed him out. "Mina, don't! Is it really you?"

I glared at him. As if he knew, Ji Won took off his jacket and puts it around my shoulders. I zipped it up, covering myself. "Yes Ji Won, it is me Mina."

"But I thought you were dead."

"I didn't die. I faked my death."

"Why?"

"So I could go to Korea."

"You came all the way from Hawaii to find me? Why didn't you just tell me who you are?"

Ji Won looked at Mina, who had tears coming out of her eyes. He was about to brush them off for her but then Mina pushed his hand away.
"That's the only way I could do to be with you. Join SechsKies." Ji Won stared at Mina as she continued talking. "After you left me all alone in Hawaii, my life became so miserable. Not because of my stepmom, but because of you. I finally found a way to leave Hawaii to find you. I was so happy when I thought about how I could see you again. I thought-"

Ji Won began to feel a rush of mixed emotions. Mina's words made him sad but seeing her alive in front of him, made him want to hold onto her and never let her go. He paused to let her continue.
"-I thought that we could be together like we were….oppa and dongsang in Hawaii. But obviously, I was wrong. You had all those girls around you that you've completely forgotten about me."

Ji Won felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. Each one of Mina's words stabbed him like a knife. "Mina, you don't understand. I-" Mina didn't wait for his explanation and ran. Ji Won chased after her.

"Mina!" he yelled as he chased her out of the hotel.

"Hyung," said Su Won as he saw Ji Won ran by him. Ji Won pushed him out of the way.

Kyung Hee ran up to the 5 Kies. "What happened?"

Su Won shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Ji Won was chasing Min Sung and kept screaming Mina."

Kyung Hee stumbled back and Sung Hoon caught her. 'Oh no, poor Mina,' she thought. She turned around to see Sung Hoon looking at her sadly. Kyung Hee moved close to him and held onto him tight. Neither one of them lets go.

Part 34
June 16, 1999

It was 3 a.m. and Ji Won had lost Mina. As he chased her down the streets he lost track of where she ran off to. "Mina!" he continued shouting. His cries echoed throughout the streets. A lot of people heard him yelling. So did the Black Dragons.

Tae Won silently crept behind Ji Won. Ji Won was all alone. Tae Won gave an evil smile. He had a plan. He and his sidekick began to set up a trap for Ji Won, which they knew he would fall for.

"Mina!"
I covered my ears. I didn't want to hear Ji Won's voice. I was so confused. All I ever wanted was to be with Ji Won but now it's all complicated. I leaned back against the alley wall. I needed time to think.

Ji Won ran through the alleys as he continued searching for Mina. Then he ran into Tae Won. Out of the darkness, Tae Won stepped out. "Looking for someone?" he asked.

"Yeah," said Ji Won, glaring at him. "I'm looking for Min Sung."

"The punk that stabbed me?" Tae Won asked furiously.

"Yeah."

"I got him."

"You do?" Ji Won asked surprised. "Hand him over!"

"There he is," said Tae Won, pointing to a figure up ahead. From the back it did look like Min Sung but little did Ji Won know that it was all a setup.

"Mina?" Ji Won whispered as he approached the person. It was a Black Dragon member. He grabbed a hold of Ji Won around the neck and began shooting Ji Won continually in the stomach.

I looked out from where I was hiding when I heard gunshots. "Ji Won!" I screamed as I ran out from where I hid. My scream threw the Black Dragon member off guard. Seeing his chance, Ji Won grabbed the gun from him and shot him in the head. He fell to the floor dead. Tae Won started to run away but Ji Won aimed a shot directly at his heart. Tae Won fell down dead too.

Ji Won looked at me and then collapsed to the cold ground. He wasn't able to hold on any longer. Rain began to pour.
"Ji Won!" I screamed, shaking him.
He was still breathing but barely. I lifted Ji Won up on my back and carried him to a nearby hospital. The rain drenched us and it grew hard for me to carry him because of the weight. However, I managed to make it. They rushed him into the emergency room.
Four hours later, the doctor came out.

"How is he?" I asked as I ran up to him.

"He was shot 4 times in the stomach region. As you know, a person needs at least one kidney to survive but both of his are destroyed. Unless we can find a donor, he'll have to die."

"Give him mine," I told the doctor right away.

"Are you sure?" I nodded my head. "Because of your heart condition, if we have this operation that means you can die instantly during the transfer."

I nodded my head again. "I understand. Please let's have the operation now."

They tested me and luckily I was compatible with Ji Won. Six hours later the surgery was completed. It's a miracle that I'm still alive. I knew not for long though.

I woke up finding myself in a hospital bed with Ji Won on a bed next to me. He was still in a coma. I got out of bed and went near him. I stroked his hair gently as I bent down to kiss him.
"I love you Ji Won," I whispered to him. Then I left the room, going to the last place I wanted to be.

Part 35
Ji Won began to wake up. He looked around and realized he was in a hospital room. Slowly his door began to open and the rest of SechsKies entered his room.
"Hyung?" asked Sung Hoon. "Are you okay?"
Ji Won nodded his head weakly as he pulled himself up. "I'm okay now."

Jae Jin walked over to his bedside. "We're so sorry Matthew hyung. We didn't know what happened until this morning. We got revenge for you though when we wiped out the entire Black Dragon hideout."

"It's okay," he told them softly as they all bowed down.

Then a knock came to his door. The doctor came in. "Oh good, you're awake," he said.

Ji Won looked at him. "Thanks for saving me Doc."

"No need to thank me. Your girlfriend is the one who saved your life."

Ji Won began to panic. "What did she do?"

"She could have gotten a chance to go to England to get a heart transplant but she decided to stay to give you her kidney instead."

"The girl…where is she?" he asked frantically.

The doctor looked around the room. "She was supposed to be in here-" Ji Won got out of bed and ran out of the room, leaving everyone staring after him.
"Hyung!" all the 5 Kies shouted but Ji Won had already left. He ran searching for Mina. He knew where she went.

Part 36
June 17, 1999

'Please let Ji Won be okay', I prayed to myself silently. Hopefully my prayers will be answered. So is this the end? My heart never changed because it was still the same one I loved Ji Won with. I couldn't bear the thought of trading it with someone else. I was so confused. Had I finished what I had really come for? What will happen to my love for Ji Won? I didn't know these answers.

I felt weaker and my pen fell from my fingers. I stopped my story right there. Truth is, I didn't know how to end it so I might as well leave it unfinished. I took off my cap and clothes. I was wearing a long white flowing dress underneath. It was the kind I always wanted to wear when I thought I was going to marry Ji Won.

My hair had grown out a little bit. It grazed my chin. I started to put on some light make up and combed my hair. I don't know why I'm getting dressed up for but I knew I wanted to die looking like Nam Mina, and not Ahn Min Sung. I looked at my reflection again. 'At least I look like a girl now', I thought with a little laugh.

When I was done, I leaned against the hard rock and wrapped my arms around it, pretending it was Ji Won. Then I heard a voice yelling out my name. "Mina!" I recognized the voice. Ji Won. I smiled, knowing at least he'll be the last person I'll see before I go.

Ji Won looked around the beach and saw a figure in a white dress. 'Mina,' he thought as he ran towards her. It was Mina. He lifted her into his arms and onto his lap as he sat down on the rocks. "Mina," he whispered to her and kissed her on the neck and face. Tears began to fall down his face.

All of my energy seemed to have been drained as I forced myself to open my eyes. My face felt wet but it wasn't from my tears and it wasn't raining either. My vision was kind of blurred and I couldn't see Ji Won too well. I reached up to touch his face. It was wet. "Ji Won," I whispered to him. "Please don't cry. You're scaring me. I've never seen you cry before."

Ji Won looked down at Mina, through his tear-filled eyes. "I'm so sorry Mina."
"Don't say you're sorry," she whispered back to him. "You've done nothing wrong."
Ji Won shook his head. "I'm so sorry. You've done so much for me and I haven't even realized it. I haven't done anything for you except put you through a lot of pain."

I reached up to wipe away Ji Won's tears. "I didn't expect anything back from you oppa. But I want to know why did you leave me in Hawaii? I could have called the wedding off if you didn't want to marry me." I felt Ji Won's grip on me tighten.

"I didn't mean to leave you Mina," answered Ji Won, his voice shaking. "I couldn't take my dad anymore. My grandpa had given me his inheritance and I planned on taking you and Sung Hoon with me. I didn't tell you about it because I was afraid you wouldn't leave your family for me. When I came to your house to get you, my uncle's men were there waiting for me and chased me to the docks. I escaped but I wanted to go back but couldn't. I could have put your life in danger. This isn't the first time I've cried Mina. I cried when I knew I was going to be separated from you."

Despite the pain, I managed to smile. Ji Won didn't want to leave me, I thought. "Look Ji Wonee, I'm wearing the dress I always wanted to wear if we had gotten married."
Ji Won looked at me. "You're beautiful Mina," he said to me. "If everything would have gone as planned, we could have been married here in Korea."

One thing was still bothering me. I think I managed to hold onto my life this long because of this question. "Ji Wonee, do you love me? I mean romantically, and not as your dongsang."

Ji Won looked down at Mina. She was beautiful. His heart ached when he saw how pale she was. He realized she never did know that he had loved her all along. "Yes, Mina," he told her. "I loved you since the first day we met. I loved you then and I had never stopped loving you." He bent down to kiss her.

My heart was deepened to a warm bliss. Ji Won said he loved me, I told myself as I felt him kiss me. Then a cold realization washed over me but I didn't really care. I always thought that I was hurt when I didn't receive Ji Won's love. Instead, I found out my pain came from when I didn't give Ji Won enough love. I haven't told Ji Won I loved him yet.

"Ji Won," I said to him as he looked down at me. "Thank you for making my dream come true by saying that you love me. I know you're lying and just saying it to repay me but you didn't have to. I did it all because I-I-"

I was losing my voice. Not now, please, I prayed as tears fell down my face. I need to tell him before I go. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the white marble stone Ji Won had given to me when I was Min Sung. I pointed towards the ocean to make Ji Won look. I threw the stone with all my remaining strength. It skipped 3 times.
'Perfect,' I thought as I closed my eyes for the last time.

As Ji Won listened to what Mina was saying, he was stunned still. He couldn't believe his ears. She thought he was saying he loved her as payment of what she had done for him. More tears fell down his face as he shook his head. Then when Mina pointed out to the ocean, Ji Won saw her throw the stone he had given her.
It skipped 3 times. I love you.
Ji Won smiled, knowing that Mina loved him too. He had known that she had loved him all along but she never told it to him either. "Mina, you don't understand. I do love you!" he shouted. Then Ji Won looked down at her. She had passed on.
"Mina?"
He shook her gently. Her body was still and completely lifeless. "Mina!" he screamed in pain. He held onto her tightly, burying his face into her neck. He was crying so loudly and painfully that both their bodies shook.

Sung Hoon and the others finally made it to where Ji Won and Mina was. They circled Ji Won, who was bent over holding someone they couldn't see.
"Hyung," said Sung Hoon as he put his hand on Ji Won's shoulder. "Are you okay? Where's Min Sung?"
Ji Won lifted his head up and Sung Hoon saw who Ji Won was holding. He fell back into the sand shocked.
"M…Mina?" he asked in disbelief.

"Mina?" the others repeated.

"Min Sung is Mina?" asked Ji Yong.

Ji Won nodded his head. "She dressed up as a guy to join SechsKies to be with me."

"You're right, Mickey. Mina did love Matthew hyung," said Jae Duc quietly.

Sung Hoon got up and hugged both Ji Won's and Mina's bodies tightly. "Why?" he asked crying. Everyone remained silent. Ji Won shook his head. He moved away from Sung Hoon and turned to face all of them.
"SechsKies is my family. You guys are all like my brothers. Please be my witness as I make this promise to Mina." They nodded their heads sadly and listened.

"Mina," Ji Won began. "When you were alive, I was never able to tell you that I loved you. Now that you're gone, you don't believe I love you. Even though I never showed you the kind of love you wanted me to, it doesn't mean I didn't love you with all I have." Ji Won paused and yanked off the ring around his necklace. "With SechsKies here as my witnesses, I, Eun Ji Won, take Nam Mina as my wife 'til eternity. I have nothing to give you Mina except my heart, which belonged to you from the first day we met."

He kissed her lips as he slipped on the ring. The others watched him in silence. They were surprised when because of all the time Ji Won had been their leader, he had never used his real name Ji Won before. They knew he was serious. When it was over, Ji Won lifted Mina up into his arms as he stood up.
"As your leader, I have a final announcement to make. I am quitting SechsKies."

"What?" they all asked in disbelief.

"Hyung," said Su Won. "Please reconsider."

Ji Won shook his head. "This is the second time Mina left me. I really can't go on as your leader. The person I loved the most is taken away from me too soon and she died not knowing that I truly do love her."

The others understood what Ji Won meant. Jae Jin walked up to Ji Won. "What do you plan to do then Matthew?"

"I don't know," he answered. I'll be somewhere where I'll always be with Mina and constantly remind her that I love her. And as for SechsKies, with all the money and businesses we have, I don't see any reason why we have to commit any more crimes. We each have enough money to spend for the rest of our lives already."

They all nodded.

Ji Won placed a hand on Sung Hoon's shoulder. "Sung Hoon," said Ji Won.

"Yes hyung?" asked Sung Hoon. "If you do love Kyung Hee, tell her before it's too late."

Sung Hoon nodded. "I will."

Ji Won looked at his 5 brothers for the last time. "This final meeting of SechsKies is now adjourned. I wish you all

the best and hope you do find your true love because I have. Good bye."

Ji Won picked up Mina's book and scribbled something into it. When he was done, he placed it down back on the rock. Then Ji Won lifted Mina's body up into his arms as he walked away.

"Hyung!" shouted Sung Hoon. "Where are you going?"

Ji Won continued walking and didn't answer him. The 5 Kies watched their leader walk towards the sunset carrying his bride and disappeared. They picked up the book to see what Ji Won had written. The last entry of Mina's story was,

True love never has an ending.

everlasting love

2009-11-01T23:32:00.000+07:00

One fine day, an old couple around the age of 70, walks into a lawyer's office.
Apparently, they are there to file a divorce.

Lawyer was very puzzled, after having a chat with them, he got their story....
This couple had been quarreling all their 40 over yrs of marriage nothing ever seems to go right.

They hang on because of their children, afraid that it might affect their up-bringing. Now, all their children have already grown up, have their own family, there's nothing else the old couple have to worry about, all they wanted is to lead their own life free from all these years of unhappiness from their marriage, so both agree on a divorce....

Lawyer was having a hard time trying to get the papers done, because he felt that after 40 yrs of marriage at the age of 70, he couldnt understand why the old couple would still want a divorce..

While they were signing the papers, the wife told the husband..
"I really love u, but i really cant carry on anymore, I'm sorry.."
"Its o.k, i understand.." said the husband. Lookin at this, the lawyer suggested a dinner together, just 3 of them,wife thought, why not, since they are still gonna be friends..

At the dining table, there was a silence of awkardness.
The first dish was roasted chicken, immediately, the old man took the drumstick for the old lady.."take this, its your favourite.."

Looking at this, the lawyer thought maybe theres still a chance, but the wife was frowning when she answer.."
This is always the problem, you always think so highly of yourself, never thought about how I feel, dont you know that i hate drumsticks?"

Little did she know that, over the years, the husband have been trying all ways to please her, little did she know that drumsticks was the husband's favourite. Little did he know that she never thought he understand her at all, little did he know that she hates drummsticks even though all he wants is the best for her.

That night, both of them couldnt sleep, toss and turn, toss and turn...after hours, the old man couldnt take it anymore, he knows that he still loves her, and he cant carry on life without her, he wants her back, he wants to tell her, he is sorry, he wanted to tell her "i love you"...

He picks up the phone, starting dialing her number....ringing never stops..he never stop dialing....

On the other side, she was sad, she couldn’t understand how come after all these years, he still doesnt understand her at all, she loves him a lot, but she just cant take it anymore. phone's ringing, she refuses to answer knowing that its him. "whats the point of talking now that its over. i have ask for it and now i wanna keep it this way, if not i will lose face"she thought. still ringing. she have decided to pull out the cord.

Little did she remember, he have heart problems.

The next day, she received news that he had passed away. she rushed down to his apartment, saw his body, lying on the couch still holding on to the phone. he had a heart attack when he was still trying to get through her phone line.

As sad as she could be.she will have to clear his belongings. when she was looking to the drawers, she saw this insurance policy, dated from the day they got married, with the beneficiary being her. And together in those file, there was this note.

"To my dearest wife, by the time you're reading this, I'm sure I'm no longer around, I bought this policy for you, though the amount is only $100k, I hope it will be able to help me continue my promise that i have made when we got married, I might not be around anymore, I want this amount of money to continue taking care of you, just like the way I will if I could have live longer. I want you to know I will always be around, by your side. I love you"

Tears flowed like river.

"When you love someone, let them know. You never know what will happen the next minute. Learn to build a life together. Learn to love each other. For who they are. not what they are."

follow your heart.

2009-11-01T23:31:00.003+07:00

Billy loved Katie with all his heart. But he never told a Single soul. Katie secretly loved him too. But she thought she would never have a chance with him. Billy asked his friends what they think of her and his friends thought she was gay. They didn't like her at all. So Billy just went along with them. They all made fun of her and made her feel really bad. Katie was so upset.

One day they followed her home from school making fun of her the whole way home. Once she got inside her house she dropped to the floor cringe. She had a crush on Billy since 3rd grade. She didn't know what to do. When Billy got home he felt real bad about what he had done. So he decided to go to Katie's house to tell her he was sorry and that he really loves her.

When he got there he knocked on the door no one answered.

The door was open so he walked in. He walked into the living room and found Katie lying dead on the floor. She had slit her wrists. Billy was so up set . He knew it was his fault she killed her self. And now he could never tell her how he really felt.

The lesson of this story is: Don't wait to until the last minute to tell someone how you really feel. Because it just might be too late. And don't always go by what your friends say, follow your heart.

the guardian angel

2009-11-01T23:31:00.001+07:00

There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park. Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad. Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by. She never tried to speak. She never said a word. Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.

The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see if the little girl would still be there. Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes. Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl. For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone. As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress. It was grotesquely shaped. I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her. Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if you make a step toward assisting someone who is different. As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare. As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly.

She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form. I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk. I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, "Hello"; The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a "hi"; after a long stare into my eyes. I smiled and she shyly smiled back. We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty. I asked the girl why she was so sad. The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, "Because, I'm different"; I immediately said, "That you are!"; and smiled. The little girl acted even sadder and said, "I know." "Little girl," I said, "you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent."

She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said, "Really?" "Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all people walking by." She nodded her head yes, and smiled.

With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her wings to spread, then she said "I am. I'm your Guardian Angel," with a twinkle in her eye. I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things."

She said, "For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done;" I got to my feet and said, "Wait, why did no one stop to help an angel?"

She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You are the only one that could see me," and then she was gone.

And with that, my life was changed dramatically.

everything happens for a reason

2009-11-01T23:30:00.001+07:00

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there... to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower or heart.

Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity..... all occurs to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere, safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart to.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things.

Make every day count.

Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen.

Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.

Hold your head up because you have every right to.

Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you.